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Letter of advice : I want to earn some money at the weekends, so I'm looking for a part time job in the cafe or a shop. Which do you think would be more fun

Letter of advice: I want to earn some money at the weekends, so I'm looking for a part time job in the cafe or a shop. Which do you think would be more fun jV2aL
Dear Seven, Thanks for your letter. How's it going? Hope that you and your family are doing well. Sorry that I've written for age. I received it 2 weeks ago, but I have to prepare for the final exam. I'm writing this letter to give a number of advices about looking for a part time job in the cafe or a shop. I had work experience and cafe shop When I was a freshmen. Thus, I think that the employees in the cafe is friendly and sociable. This make your work happier. On the contrary, you will meet lots of people; it is difficult for you to solve the whole problem that happens when you service customer. And the salary is not high, only twelve thousands for 1 hour. But when you work in a shop, It is boring. Because most of the shop just select one assistant, some shop their customer rate is low. And you must have the best memory to remember the cost of the clothes. However, the salary of shop is higher, about twenty thousands for one hour. Therefore, I think the best thing would be for you is to looking for a job in a shop. You will earn more money. Besides that, you have the best memory, too. So, I consider shop is suitable for you. I hope that this advice helps. Don't forget to write a letter to inform about your choice. Please write back soon. Lost of Love, Đông
Dear Seven, Thanks for your letter. How's it going? Hope that you and your family are doing well. Sorry that I've written for age. I received it 2 weeks ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare for the final exam. I'm writing this letter to give a number of advices about looking for a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job in the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
had work experience and
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
When I was
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a freshman" or simply "freshmen"?
a freshmen
.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the employees in the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
is friendly and sociable. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your work happier.
On the contrary
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
; it is difficult for you to solve the whole problem that happens when you service customer. And the salary is not high,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
twelve thousands for 1 hour.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when you work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
, It is boring.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
select one assistant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
their customer rate is low. And you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the best memory to remember the cost of the clothes.
However
, the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is higher, about twenty thousands for one hour.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the best thing would be for you is
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here. "looking" is a present participle verb.
to looking
for a job in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. You will earn more money.
Besides
that, you have the best memory, too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
is suitable for you. I hope that this advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
. Don't forget to write a letter to inform about your choice.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
write back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Lost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Love
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Đông
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IELTS letter Letter of advice: I want to earn some money at the weekends, so I'm looking for a part time job in the cafe or a shop. Which do you think would be more fun

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
246 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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