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Letter about moving to a new department. New responsibilities, location, job...

Letter about moving to a new department. New responsibilities, location, job. . . Ba935
Dear, I write this letter with the purpose of announcing my moving to a new job in another department of the company. To begin with, I am moving to the head central of financial department of the company located in Ireland. That is a strategic place because there are many financial benefits and lower taxes to pay. My new job will consist in managing all the financial resources of the company and deciding the distribution to each departments. Hence, I will decide whether an investment is profitable and whether the company needs to get into debts. Moreover, I will be asked to analyze each departments and consider if it is convenient to channel more financial resources into a single area of the company in order to enhance its business. To conclude, I am glad to have had the opportunity to work with you and I wish you all the best for your careers. Yours sincerely, Francesco Paganelli
Dear,

I write this letter with the purpose of announcing my moving to a new job in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I am moving to the head central of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
located in Ireland.
That is
a strategic place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
benefits and lower taxes to pay.

My new job will consist in managing all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
resources of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and deciding the distribution to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "department"?
departments
.
Hence
, I will decide whether an investment is profitable and whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into debts.
Moreover
, I will
be asked
to analyze each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "department"?
departments
and consider if it is convenient to channel more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
resources into a single area of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in order to enhance its business.

To conclude
, I am glad to have had the opportunity to work with you and I wish you all the best for your careers.

Yours
sincerely
,

Francesco
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paganelli

IELTS letter Letter about moving to a new department. New responsibilities, location, job. . .

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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