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From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper: “One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with th

From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper: “One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with th wBMWY
The writer of the argument concludes that an extra hour of sleep in the morning will lead to better students’ performance in the school and will improve their academic skills as well. However, this conclusion cannot be accepted as it is because it relies on a number of unwarranted premises all of which one by one can be challenged in one way or another. First of all, a threshold assumption upon which the conclusion stands is that the writer neglected other parameters that might affect the performance and improvement of the students and the writer considered only one parameter as his line of reasoning. As far as I’m concerned, there are lots of parameters which affect the performance of students such as teachers, school program; number of studying hours at home, etc. so the conclusion is not persuasive as it stands because it does not accounted other effective parameters. Secondly, the write of the argument assumes that the students are more alert and productive only because of that extra one hour sleep in the morning. However, there is no strong evidence in the argument to prove this assertion. Maybe the students’ classes are very dynamic and the teacher methods of education are very persuasive. So the students are more observant and effective because of great teachers’ performance not that one our extra sleep in the morning. Also, there is another problem with the conclusion. The writer of the argument did not indicate whether the students have enough sleep at night. Maybe the students’ poor performance in the morning is the result of lack of sleep at night. May be the students go to bed very late after midnight. There is no evidence in the argument to clearly show that the students sleep well enough so the conclusion is not persuasive as it stands. To sum up, the writer of the argument concludes that the aforesaid change in the school timetable not only makes the students more attentive and prolific at school, but also enhances their academic skills. Nevertheless, this conclusion is absurd because it is based on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions as I clearly discussed in the body paragraphs all of which are questionable.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
concludes that an extra hour of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
in the morning will lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
cannot be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it relies on a number of unwarranted premises all of which one by one can
be challenged
in one way or another.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a threshold assumption upon which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
stands is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
neglected other parameters that might affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
and improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one parameter as his line of reasoning. As far as I’m concerned, there are lots of parameters which affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
such as teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program; number of studying hours at home, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
is not persuasive as it stands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "account"?
accounted
other effective parameters.

Secondly
,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'write' is correct. If 'write' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the write
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
assumes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more alert and productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that extra
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
one hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
in the morning.
However
, there is no strong evidence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
to prove this assertion. Maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
classes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dynamic and the teacher methods of education are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
persuasive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more observant and effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of great teachers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
not that one our extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
in the morning.

Also
, there is another problem with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
did not indicate whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at night. Maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in the morning is the result of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
at night.
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to bed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late after midnight. There is no evidence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
to
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
is not persuasive as it stands.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
concludes that the aforesaid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
timetable not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more attentive and prolific at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhances their academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Nevertheless
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conclusion
is absurd
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is based
on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions as I
clearly
discussed in the body paragraphs all of which are questionable.
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IELTS letter From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper: “One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with th

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • From a letter to the editor of a city newspaper: “One recent research study has indicated that many adolescents need more sleep than they are getting, and another study has shown that many high school students in our city are actually dissatisfied with th