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Every year your whole family spends one day together in the summer. This year, your sister is organizing the day. You want to suggest an activity that you think your family would enjoy.

Every year your whole family spends one day together in the summer. This year, your sister is organizing the day. You want to suggest an activity that you think your family would enjoy. m18b8
Hi Mary I hope you and your family are well. Things here are fine. As you know, our family day is coming soon. I have an idea for something we could do that I think we'd all enjoy. Why don't we spend the day picking apples? There is an apple farm north of Toronto that lets people pick their own apples on weekends. It's easy to get to the farm by car or by subway and then bus. I went there last year with some friends, and it took only 40 minutes or so. There is no cost to enter, and the apples are just $3 per kilogram, which is much cheaper than most supermarkets. There are several reasons why I think this would be great. First, everyone in the family loves apples, especially when Mom makes them into an apple pie! And the farm has plenty of fun things for children to do, such as a play area, so all of the kids would have fun, too. Give me a call so we can discuss further. Love Robert
Hi Mary

I hope you and your family are well. Things here are fine.

As you know, our family day is coming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. I have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for something we could do that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we'd all enjoy. Why don't we spend the day picking apples?

There is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apple
farm north of Toronto that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pick their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apples
on weekends. It's easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the farm by car or by subway and then bus. I went there last year with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends, and it took
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40 minutes or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. There is no cost to enter, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apples
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
$3 per kilogram, which is much cheaper than most supermarkets.

There are several reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this would be great.
First
, everyone in the family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apples
,
especially
when Mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them into an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apple
pie! And the farm has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fun things for children to do, such as a play area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Consider using "all the".
all of the
kids would have fun, too.

Give me a call
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can discuss
further
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Love


Robert
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IELTS letter Every year your whole family spends one day together in the summer. This year, your sister is organizing the day. You want to suggest an activity that you think your family would enjoy.

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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