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email to a friend for advertisement about job offer

email to a friend for advertisement about job offer 5b6EN
Dear sir or Madam, Hello allow me to introduce myself my name is Zeyad Abed. I have seen the job offer you made on the newspaper about local tour guide entertaining tourists around the city and since then I have been excited about this. I think that I can fit in this position. I want this offer as it have been my dream since I was a child playing around my old city with my friends. I discovered this knack for helping others to find their looking place. I totally believe I can do this work as I have been studying English for three years, French for three months. Also, I have studied the book of body language, communication skills and proper influence on other people. I totally can approve that I am good communicator. Also, I want to add that I have previous experience in this field, I have worked as tour guide for foreign tourists around the country during this period I have gained unique different experience about how to handle people’s objections and questions. In addition to that, I have a good knowledge about places culture places and historical places that one of these places its age exceed thousand year. So finally, I hope or I am looking forward to hear back from you soon. Sincerely, Zeyad Abed.
Dear sir or Madam,

Hello
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to introduce myself my name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zeyad
Abed. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the job offer you made on the newspaper about local tour guide entertaining tourists around the city and since then I have
been excited
about this. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I can fit in this position.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
want this offer as it have been my dream since I was a child playing around my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
city with my friends.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
discovered this knack for helping others to find their looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
totally
believe I can do this work as I have been studying English for three years, French for three months.
Also
, I have studied the book of body language, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and proper influence on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
totally
can approve that I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communicator.
Also
, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that I have previous experience in this field, I have worked as tour guide for foreign tourists around the country during this period I have gained unique
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience about how to handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s objections and questions.
In addition
to that, I have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
its age exceed
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
finally
, I
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hope or
I am looking forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to hearing".
to hear
back from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Zeyad
Abed.
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IELTS letter email to a friend for advertisement about job offer

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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