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buy items from a shop far away

buy items from a shop far away 6xxqx
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to enquire if you have some electronic items that I need to purchase. I have tried to find these in the shops in my town but the options here are very limited and I have not been able to find what I need. The first item I need is an external Blu-ray drive, preferably Sony, and a Smartphone with a 12 megapixel camera. I am also looking for a printer which combines copying and scanning functions. If these items are available, could you please keep them for me at the shop as I would like to collect them in person when I visit the town next week. I would also like to know if it is possible to pay online with PayPal or by telephone with a credit card, or if I can pay when I pick up the goods. I would really appreciate it if you could reply to my enquiry as soon as possible. Yours faithfully, George Peterson
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electronic items that I need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. I have tried to find these in the shops in my town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the options here are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited and I have not been able to find what I need.

The
first
item I need is an external Blu-ray drive,
preferably
Sony, and a Smartphone with a 12 megapixel camera. I am
also
looking for a printer which combines copying and scanning functions. If these items are available, could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them for me at the shop as I would like to collect them in person when I visit the town
next
week. I would
also
like to know if it is possible to pay online with PayPal or by telephone with a credit card, or if I can pay when I pick up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

I would
really
appreciate it if you could reply to my
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiry' is British English.
enquiry
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

Yours
faithfully
,

George Peterson
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IELTS letter buy items from a shop far away

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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