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Asking advise letter to my friend

Asking advise letter to my friend raydn
Dear Angelina, I am writing this letter to enquire about a holiday summer job in your country as well as I want to be fully aware how to apply directly. Clearly, we, all the students in our hometown, will be free in a few days. Undoubtedly, it is one of the best chances for us to broaden our experience. Therefore I intend to visit your place to take up a post closely related to teaching. Since having announced a three-month holiday I have launched to find a job by perusing adds on the net. However I have some difficulties in finding an accomodation adjacent to your city. It would be better if you could assist me to find an amiable host family in order to learn new culture and a course which contains a maximum of 10 students. I would be extremely grateful to you if I was informed much more jobs and host families. I am looking forward to hearing from you a prompt response. Yours faithfully, Kate
Dear Angelina, I am writing this letter to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
about a holiday summer job in your country
as well
as I want to be
fully
aware how to apply
directly
.
Clearly
, we, all the students in our hometown, will be free in a few days.
Undoubtedly
, it is one of the best chances for us to broaden our experience.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I intend to visit your place to take up a post
closely
related to teaching.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
having announced a three-month holiday I have launched to find a job by perusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
on the net.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in finding an
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
adjacent to your city. It would be better if you could assist me to find an amiable host family in order to learn new culture and a course which contains a maximum of 10 students. I would be
extremely
grateful to you if I
was informed
much more jobs and host families. I am looking forward to hearing from you a prompt response. Yours
faithfully
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Kate
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IELTS letter Asking advise letter to my friend

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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