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apply for museum part-time voluntary work

apply for museum part-time voluntary work rAPn
Dear Sir or Madam, I have noticed that you are looking for volunteers to work for the museum, so I am writing to you to apply for the part-time voluntary work at the museum. I really would like to work as a volunteer for you because I like to go to museum at my spare time. In fact, I am eager to learn new knowledge, and the museum is the best place for me to open my mind. Unlike reading books in the library, I prefer to go to museums due to the interactive atmosphere. My home is near to the museum, so commute would not cost me so much time as well. In addition, I have done many kinds of voluntary jobs before, so my previous experience can support me to do well in this job. Besides, I can effectively communicate with people which is a necessary skills in the work. If I have the opportunity to work at the museum, I can go to work as soon as possible, and even tomorrow morning will be fine. I really appreciate you for your time, and I really want to get this job. Please feel free to contact me. Best Wishes, Shing SN
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have noticed that you are looking for volunteers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am writing to you to apply for the part-time voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the museum.

I
really
would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a volunteer for you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I like to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at my spare time. In fact, I am eager to learn new knowledge, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is the best place for me to open my mind. Unlike reading books in the library, I prefer to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
due to the interactive atmosphere. My home is near to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
commute would not cost me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time
as well
.

In addition
, I have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of voluntary jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my previous experience can support me to do well in this job.
Besides
, I can
effectively
communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which is a necessary
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "skill"?
skills
in the work.

If I have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, I can go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, and even tomorrow morning will be fine.

I
really
appreciate you for your time, and I
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this job.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
feel free to contact me.

Best Wishes,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Shing
SN
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IELTS letter apply for museum part-time voluntary work

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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