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a short story about my life and pain

a short story about my life and pain a8VVm
Life, pain and sadness. These three of them always will be in our life, maybe more than hapiness, enjoyment and daring. Every soul has a special flower. Some of them have thorn, some of them have lead and some of them have a little bit all of above and flowers. Why? Why does this hurt that much? Why I cannot take the pain away? Why doesnt my body push against the pain and be surrender to the pain? Full of sadness are discovering my body. My headache, stomach ache, pain is everwhere of my body, especially in my heart. Walking in a street which one has no lights. While smoking, I feel cold in a summer night. I wore my jacket, but I still feel cold. I see no one is beside me. Just my head and me. A voice in my head is a singing a song which is I am not quite sure of the song. I feel like every smoke of my cigarette kills me bit by bit. P. S: All I want you to feel the pain I have been feeling since yesterday.
Life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
and sadness. These three of them always will be in our life, maybe more than
Possible spelling mistake found.
hapiness
, enjoyment and daring. Every soul has a special flower.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them have thorn,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have lead and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
Consider using "all above" or "all of the above".
all of above
and flowers. Why? Why does this hurt that much? Why I cannot take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
away?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Why
Possible spelling mistake found
doesnt
my body push against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
and be surrender to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
? Full of sadness are discovering my body. My headache, stomach ache,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
everwhere
of my body,
especially
in my heart. Walking in a street which one has no lights. While smoking, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
in a summer night. I wore my jacket,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
no one is beside me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
my head and me. A voice in my head is a singing a song which is I am not quite sure of the song. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like every smoke of my cigarette kills me bit by bit.

P. S: All I want you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pain
I have been feeling since yesterday.
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IELTS letter a short story about my life and pain

Letter
  American English
2 paragraphs
187 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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