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A friend who lives in another country has invited you to come and stay with him/her on your next holiday. You are too busy to accept the invitation.

A friend who lives in another country has invited you to come and stay with him/her on your next holiday. You are too busy to accept the invitation. D5RE
Dear Angel, How are you? First of all, I just want to say thank you for the invitation to spend my holiday with you. Im really surprised and glad for you letter. Actually, I missed you a lot. But unfortunately, my employer asked a favor from me to change my holiday and replaced it next month because their family were something to attend to. And I can't refuse them because its very rare for them to asked a favor from me. You know they are a good family too. So, maybe next month. Im looking forward if you are still available. I'd love to visit you and catch up with you very soon. Your friend, Jill
Dear Angel, How are you?
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to say thank you for the invitation to spend my holiday with you.
Possible spelling mistake found
Im
really
surprised and glad for you letter. Actually, I missed you a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately, my employer asked a favor from me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my holiday and replaced it
next
month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their family were something to attend to. And I can't refuse them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare for them
Did you mean "to ask"?
to asked
a favor from me. You know they are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
family too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, maybe
next
month.
Possible spelling mistake found
Im
looking forward if you are
still
available. I'd
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to visit you and catch up with you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Your friend,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Jill

IELTS letter A friend who lives in another country has invited you to come and stay with him/her on your next holiday. You are too busy to accept the invitation.

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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