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zoos should be closed down and the animals should be released into the wild. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

zoos should be closed down and the animals should be released into the wild. with this statement? dqQYo
It is an inescapable fact that, in this day and age, animals encounter the threat of being on the the brink of extinction. Therefore, it is claimed that the closure of zoos and the rehabilitation of wildlife animals should be taken place. To my own thinking, it is implausible to keep animals in cages as being in captivity severely curtail their freedom. On the one hand, nowadays, loads of zoos are treated as nothing but a recreational facility which caters a wide range of income-generating activities with the aim of capturing visitors attention rather than concentrate on looking after animals health. For instance, in order to facilitate tourists retention, dolphins and seals in inummerable zoos are forced to perform countless dangerous tricks in artificial habitats. Furthermore, animals in captivity stand a high chance of facing exposure to human infection, chamicals and suffering from stress-related ilnesses. In addition, keeping wild animals in cages, quite apart from raising a host of ethical questions, halts the preservation and conservation of wildlife diversity. Compared to those that are kept in zoos, animals dwelling in natural habitats is more likely to reproduce as they enjoy a basic freedom. On the other hand, zoos are proved to become an invaluable economic resource for a community owing to the fact that the operations of zoos make contribution to eradicate high level of unemploment and considerable tourists revenue benefits poverty alleviation. Moreover, zoos cater a wide range of information of animals and provide an educational resource. What is more, zookeppers are trained with specialized knowledge in order to maintain animals instincts and movements and take care of them. Therefore, their responsibility is to keep track of the growths and developments of animals to prevent contingent incidents, which is more likely to occur in forests or the oceans. In sum, habitats where animals live play an important role on their lives. Albeit zoos are facilitated with various equipments to imitate natural habitats as provide animals ideal accommodation, freedom is the element that needs giving top priority to as they have the ethical rights to enjoy it.
It is an inescapable fact that, in this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
encounter the threat of being on
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
brink of extinction.
Therefore
, it
is claimed
that the closure of zoos and the rehabilitation of wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be taken
place. To my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thinking, it is implausible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in cages as being in captivity
severely
curtail their freedom.

On the one hand, nowadays, loads of zoos
are treated
as nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a recreational facility which caters a wide range of income-generating activities with the aim of capturing visitors attention
rather
than concentrate on looking after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
health.
For instance
, in order to facilitate tourists retention, dolphins and seals in
Possible spelling mistake found.
inummerable
zoos
are forced
to perform countless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
tricks in artificial habitats.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity stand a high chance of facing exposure to human infection,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chamicals
and suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related
Possible spelling mistake found.
ilnesses
.
In addition
, keeping wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in cages, quite apart from raising a host of ethical questions, halts the preservation and conservation of wildlife diversity. Compared to those that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in zoos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
dwelling in natural habitats is more likely to reproduce as they enjoy
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "basic freedom".
a basic freedom
.

On the other hand
, zoos
are proved
to become an invaluable economic resource for a community owing to the fact that the operations of zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contribution to eradicate high level of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemploment
and considerable
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "tourists'" or "tourist's"?
tourists
revenue benefits poverty alleviation.
Moreover
, zoos cater a wide range of information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and provide an educational resource.
What is more
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
zookeppers
are trained
with specialized knowledge in order to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
instincts and movements and take care of them.
Therefore
, their responsibility is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of the growths and developments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
contingent incidents, which is more likely to occur in forests or the oceans.

In sum, habitats where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Albeit zoos
are facilitated
with various equipments to imitate natural habitats as provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
ideal accommodation, freedom is the element that needs giving top priority to as they have the ethical rights to enjoy it.
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IELTS essay zoos should be closed down and the animals should be released into the wild. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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