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Zoos are inhumane and should be abolished. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Zoos are inhumane and should be abolished. with this opinion? k0Me
Some people believe that the storage of different animals in the zoos is cruel and should be repealed. To my mind, it is not cruel to store animals in zoos if it provides a good condition for living to them. There are lots of zoos in the world, and some of them are very popular due to fascinating wild animals which live in a comfortable condition for them. However, there are many other zoos with suffering conditions that people think this cruel. Some animals after bad conditions can die, and it is a very substantial problem. Animal care workers have to feed them regularly, always check their dwelling, and even talk with them if it is necessary. People for animals should provide such conditions so that they start to feel like in the wildlife. If the animals begin to feel uncomfortable, then they should be sent back to their wildlife. The second argument is children who are really interested in animals at their age. Children who see the animals for the first time formed the impression, they start gradually accustomed to them and never be scared. Also, the government allows a new entrepreneur to set a new zoo for children. While children explore and interested in animals, then, government starts to thrive. In conclusion, I believe that it would be better if zoos carry on activity, but only with a suitable condition for animals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the storage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the zoos is cruel and should
be repealed
. To my mind, it is not cruel to store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos if it provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
for living to them.

There are lots of zoos in the world, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular due to fascinating wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
for them.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other zoos with suffering conditions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this cruel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
, and it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
substantial problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
care workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
feed them
regularly
, always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their dwelling, and even talk with them if it is necessary.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should provide such conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to feel like in the wildlife. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to feel uncomfortable, then they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back to their wildlife.

The second argument is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
really
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
at their age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the
first
time formed the impression, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
gradually
accustomed to them and never
be scared
.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a new entrepreneur to set a new zoo for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
explore and interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to thrive.

In conclusion
, I believe that it would be better if zoos carry on activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay Zoos are inhumane and should be abolished. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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