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Zoos are inhumane and pointless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Zoos are inhumane and pointless. To what extent do you agree or disagree? LQQV
There are thousands of zoos around the world and they are of widely varying quality. Some people believe that Zoos are innately cruel and worthless. However, from my perspective, zoos play a vital role in wildlife conservation and there are enormous other reasons which are discussed in the following paragraphs. Zoological parks are considered the best way to get closer to varied types of animals. Furthermore many zoos help to protect extinction of endangered creatures by providing them with a suitable environment and required food. Some of them also have rehabilitation programs for creatures going back to the wild forest. To cite an instance, Geer zoo which is located in Gujarat is conducting rehabilitation programs which are run by professional trainers. It has trained hundreds of tigers in a manner in which they don't attack national citizens as well as they have been freed from the cage and sent back to forest. In addition to this, zoos also allows scientist to study and research on different mammals behaviour, which helps them to do some necessary experiments on  the creature rather than directly on human. Moreover, not only zoological parks provide income  to the government, but also employment opportunities to the local people. They also serve as a recreational place for visitors and specifically children. On the other hand, there are many reasons due to which zoos are considered as dangerous and unnecessary. Firstly, the creatures are kept in an artificial environment in the zoo which results in a loss of freedom. This also has a hazardous impact on the upbringing of young animals. It prevents them from learning the skill of hunting for food and they become fully dependent on zookeepers and  staff. Secondly, seizing animals for the sole purpose of earning profit is against the law leading to  the ecological imbalance in the nature. Apart from this, zoos also fail in providing a suitable environment and surrounding and show least concern towards health and needs of creatures. In conclusion considering the above-mentioned arguments, I believe that the benefits of zoos outweigh the cons so zoos play an indispensable role in protecting the various creatures by providing safe surrounding to live and survive
There are thousands of zoos around the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they are of
widely
varying quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that Zoos are
innately
cruel and worthless.
However
, from my perspective, zoos play a vital role in wildlife conservation and there are enormous other reasons which
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

Zoological parks
are considered
the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer to varied types of animals.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect extinction of endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
by providing them with a suitable environment and required food.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
also
have rehabilitation programs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
going back to the wild forest. To cite an instance,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Geer
zoo which
is located
in Gujarat is conducting rehabilitation programs which
are run
by professional trainers. It has trained hundreds of tigers in a manner in which they don't attack national citizens
as well
as they have
been freed
from the cage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back to forest.
In addition
to this, zoos
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
scientist to study and research on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "mammals'" or "mammal's"?
mammals
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary experiments on
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creature
rather
than
directly
on human.
Moreover
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
zoological parks provide income
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
employment opportunities to the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They
also
serve as a recreational place for visitors and
specifically
children.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons due to which zoos
are considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and unnecessary.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in an artificial environment in the zoo which results in a loss of freedom. This
also
has a hazardous impact on the upbringing of young animals. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from learning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of hunting for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they become
fully
dependent on zookeepers and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
staff.
Secondly
, seizing animals for the sole purpose of earning profit is against the law leading to
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the ecological imbalance in the nature. Apart from this, zoos 
also
fail in providing a suitable environment and surrounding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
concern towards health and needs of creatures.

In conclusion
considering the above-mentioned arguments, I believe that the benefits of zoos outweigh the cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
zoos play an indispensable role in protecting the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
by providing safe surrounding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and survive
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IELTS essay Zoos are inhumane and pointless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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