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Your perspective of life and passion

Your perspective of life and passion rkJKo
As far as I am concerned life is a piano to play. There are black and white keys and eternal combinations to play. Everything is beneath my fingers. Every path could be followed, every opportunity could be created, and, with passion, an impact could be created. At this point, I feel like at this age 14 I am composing my sonata, drawing my path to follow. I have been investigating my environment so far, I have been aware of the society of which I am a part. I have noticed that some people have lost the notes that they have played hence they have lost their capability to play their sonatas due to a devastating reason: cognitive disorders- Alzheimer's Disease. As my interest to understand the causation between nature and nurture, besides the social awareness I possess, I have been intrigued by the field of Neuroscience.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as I
am concerned
life is a piano to play. There are black and white keys and eternal combinations to play. Everything is beneath my fingers. Every path could
be followed
, every opportunity could
be created
, and, with passion, an impact could
be created
. At this point, I feel like at this age 14 I am composing my sonata, drawing my path to follow. I have been investigating my environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, I have been aware of the society of which I am a part. I have noticed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have lost the notes that they have played
hence
they have lost their capability to play their sonatas due to a devastating reason: cognitive disorders- Alzheimer's Disease. As my interest to understand the causation between nature and nurture,
besides
the social awareness I possess, I have
been intrigued
by the field of Neuroscience.
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IELTS essay Your perspective of life and passion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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