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your important influence person in your life

your important influence person in your life Jleej
From the time I was born until now, many events have happened in my life and there are many people I have met. But I must say that for me the most important person in my life is none other than my father. My Dad is my real hero because he is the most special person in my life. He is a very good athlete & an artist. He is a Civil Engineer by profession. At weekends he loves to play with me the whole day. During weekdays we work hard & spend maximum time working at his office. He is amongst the top ranked employee of his company & has won many awards for the same. He tries his best to keep our family happy. He works hard to make money for our family. He loves me a lot & always tries to cheer me up whenever I am in a sad mood. He has always taught me good values & not spoiling me by buying me all the things that I wanted. But at the same time he has gifted me many things that I always wish to have. My Dad has always tried his level best to make me a good human being. I am his only son. He is very careful regarding what I eat. He always insists me to eat healthy stuff such as fruits and vegetables that are rich in vitamins and minerals. He is an extremely loving Dad. I always enjoy spending time with him and learn new things with him. He has taught me to swim. Till date I have won many swimming championships. My Dad helps me in my studies too. He does not allow me to take tuitions instead he personally sits with me to get my problems solved. It is because of his grace I perform well in studies. My Dad is the most precious gift of God to me. He is a loving father and the most gracious person I have ever seen in my life. He wants me to become a good human being like him. That is why he always teaches me to differentiate between wrong & right. Every day he takes out little time for me in the night to acknowledge my day to day activities & problems if any. He is my best friend. I can discuss everything with him without any hesitation. Things that I fail to reveal out to my close friends, I can easily discuss them with my Dad. Whenever I need his help, he is always available for me. He is like a hero to me. He is a funny, cool, adventurous and smart human being. He loves to travel and that is why we both always go to long distant places (sometimes abroad) on vacations. Apart from domestic cities till date we have travelled to San Francisco, Beijing, Toronto, New York & Sydney. Dad says that he started visiting the globe when he was a college student. According to him his experience has helped him to broaden his horizons. This is the reason he started me quite early. He wants me to experience the world because he believes that travelling is an education in itself. When I was at the age of 10 I took my first flight to Sydney. I have learnt a lot of things under my Dad’s guidance which education fails to teach. The most important lesson that Dad has taught me is to be discipline & hard working in life. These 2 things are the key ingredients to achieve success in life. Today I am just 16 years old & at this tender age Dad has taught me a lot of things that people at the age of 20 fails to understand. He has taught me what life is all about. He has showed me the way to achieve success. He has showed me the opportunities that exist in front of me. But at the same time he has left the decision up to me in terms of which path to choose. He is very confident that his efforts to make me a good human being will never go in vein. Seeing his confidence in me some day I want to make him proud. I thank God everyday for giving me such a loving and caring father. I also wish to see him in good health for the rest of my life.
From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I
was born
until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
have happened in my
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life
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
I have met.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that for me the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
person in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is none other than my father. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
is my real hero
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is the most special person in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
athlete & an artist. He is a Civil Engineer by profession. At
The comma is probably missing here: "weekends, he".
weekends he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to play with me the whole day. During
The comma is probably missing here: "weekdays, we".
weekdays we
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
& spend maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working at his office. He is amongst the top ranked employee of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
& has won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
awards for the same. He tries his best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our family happy.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money for our family.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
me a lot & always tries to cheer me up whenever I am in a sad mood.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
has always taught me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
values & not spoiling me by buying me all the things that I wanted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he has gifted me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that I always wish to have. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
has always tried his level best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being. I am his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
son.

He is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful regarding what I eat. He always insists me to eat healthy stuff such as fruits and vegetables that are rich in vitamins and minerals.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
is an
extremely
loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
. I always enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with him and learn new things with him. He has taught me to swim. Till
The comma is probably missing here: "date, I".
date I
have won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
swimming championships. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me in my studies too. He does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to take
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
instead
he
personally
sits with me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my problems solved. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his grace I perform well in studies. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
is the most precious gift of God to me. He is a loving father and the most gracious person I have ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He wants me to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being like him.
That is
why he always teaches me to differentiate between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
& right.

Every day he takes out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for me in the night to acknowledge my
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities & problems if any. He is my best friend. I can discuss everything with him without any hesitation. Things that I fail to reveal out to my close friends, I can
easily
discuss them with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
. Whenever I need his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, he is always available for me. He is like a hero to me. He is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
, cool, adventurous and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to travel and
that is
why we both always go to long distant places (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
abroad) on vacations. Apart from domestic cities till date we have travelled to San Francisco, Beijing, Toronto, New York & Sydney.

Dad says that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
visiting the globe when he was a college student. According to him his experience has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to broaden his horizons. This is the reason he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
me quite early. He wants me to experience the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he believes that travelling is an education in itself.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was at the age of 10 I took my
first
flight to Sydney. I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things under my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad’s
guidance which education fails to teach. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
has taught me is to be discipline &
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These 2 things are the key ingredients to achieve success in life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
& at this tender age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dad
has taught me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the age of 20 fails to understand. He has taught me what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is all about. He has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
me the way to achieve success.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
me the opportunities that exist in front of me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the decision up to me in terms of which path to choose. He is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
confident that his efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being will never go
Did you mean "in vain" (=unsuccessfully)?
in vein
. Seeing his confidence in me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him proud. I thank God
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for giving me such a loving and caring father. I
also
wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
him in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health for the rest of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay your important influence person in your life

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
737 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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