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Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far kwl8
These days, young people’s free time is limited as they have a heavy workload at school and university. When they do find time to relax, youngsters enjoy spending time on their hobbies, doing activities which relax them and which they enjoy. It is a good idea to spend time on a physical activity as there are many benefits for a young person. Firstly, sports keep us fit and healthy and better able to defend off illnesses. They provide us with energy and improve a person’s self-confidence. Exercise ensures that our blood circulates and our heart, an important muscle in the body, beats faster. Youngsters spend a great deal of time sitting when they study or during lessons, so some form of sport will do them good. Not everyone however is interested in sport. Some youngsters prefer going to the theatre or to concerts. These activities are good for a person’s spiritual development and creativity. They ensure that young people appreciate the arts and culture. These performances pass on useful messages to viewers, make them question important issues and broaden their minds. Both sports and cultural activities are important for youngsters. Sports are good for a person’s body, giving them an added boost of energy. Being healthy is a vital part of our lives. A person is unable to function if they are unhealthy. Similarly, it is equally important for a person to cultivate their spiritual side by being involved in cultural activities. What a person choses to do depends on their preferences.
These days, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is limited
as they have a heavy workload at school and university. When they do find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax, youngsters enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their hobbies, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which relax them and which they enjoy.

It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on a physical
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activity
as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for a young
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person
.
Firstly
,
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sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us fit and healthy and better able to defend off illnesses. They provide us with energy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
self-confidence. Exercise ensures that our blood circulates and our heart, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
muscle in the body, beats faster. Youngsters spend a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting when they study or during lessons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will do them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Not everyone
however
is interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
youngsters prefer going to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
or to concerts. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
spiritual development and creativity. They ensure that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
appreciate the arts and culture. These performances pass on useful messages to viewers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them question
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
issues and broaden their minds.

Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for youngsters.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
body, giving them an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
boost of energy. Being healthy is a vital part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is unable to function if they are unhealthy.
Similarly
, it is
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to cultivate their spiritual side by
being involved
in cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. What a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
Possible spelling mistake found.
choses
to do depends on their preferences.
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IELTS essay Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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