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The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. p2l2
It is assumed that the availability of entertainment, such as video games that can be accessed via handheld devices, has detrimental effects to the people and the society. I consider that the statement could be true since the easy access of the entertainment might distract the people’s main priorities in life. However, it also seems that to some extent, the availability of entertainment would also bring positive sides, such as a joyous experience. The rising availability of entertainment might attract people to spend their time on the video games, rather than finishing their tasks. The easy access of the games, which can be played by only clicking on the handheld devices, would distracts the people in focusing with their daily activities. Thus, it may lead to unhealthy interactions with the family or maybe the society. For example, a father who get too caught up with playing video games might end up losing his precious time playing with his children. As a result, the children might feel lonely and grew a naughty side for receiving the attention from the father. For the extreme case, this naughty side could change into an act of crime. On the other hand, the entertainment would also bring positive sides, if the user is able to manage his time on the screen. The entertainment would give people a chance to take a break from the busy schedules of life. It would bring a happiness for the user, thus considered as a joyous experience. For example, people tend to be happy while using a video games together with their friends. In conclusion, the availability of the entertainment might bring harmful effects to the individuals and the society. Nevertheless, it is also possible for the entertainment’s positives sides to emerged as the ability of the users to manage their time lower the negative effects.
It
is assumed
that the
availability
of entertainment, such as
video
games
that can
be accessed
via handheld devices, has detrimental effects to the
people
and the society. I consider that the statement could be true since the easy access of the entertainment
might
distract the
people’s
main priorities in life.
However
, it
also
seems that to
some
extent, the
availability
of entertainment would
also
bring
positive
sides
, such as a joyous experience.

The rising
availability
of entertainment
might
attract
people
to spend their
time
on the
video
games
,
rather
than finishing their tasks. The easy access of the
games
, which can
be played
by
only
clicking on the handheld devices, would
distracts
the
people
in focusing with their daily activities.
Thus
, it may lead to unhealthy interactions with the family or maybe the society.
For example
, a father who
get
too caught up with playing
video
games
might
end
up losing his precious
time
playing with his children.
As a result
, the children
might
feel lonely and grew a naughty side for receiving the attention from the father. For the extreme case, this naughty side could
change
into an act of crime.

On the other hand
, the entertainment would
also
bring
positive
sides
, if the user is able to manage his
time
on the screen. The entertainment would give
people
a chance to take a break from the busy schedules of life. It would
bring
a happiness for the user,
thus
considered as a joyous experience.
For example
,
people
tend to be happy while using a
video
games
together with their friends.

In conclusion
, the
availability
of the entertainment
might
bring
harmful effects to the individuals and the society.
Nevertheless
, it is
also
possible for the entertainment’s positives
sides
to emerged as the ability of the users to manage their
time
lower the
negative
effects.
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IELTS essay The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society they live in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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