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Young people should move out of the family home after graduating from high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people should move out of the family home after graduating from high school. nRn5R
In the past, young people were likely to move out of their family after they graduating from high school. however in contemporary society teenager are choose to living with their parents. Meanwhile, they have to had more responsible and mature enough to living by their own in contrast, there are those people who think that fresh graduates should stay home after graduating high school until they are ready for face to modern world. I will give my opinion in the essay below. First, some of proposition believe that high school graduate is mature enough for move out of their family. due to, they can start making their own decisions and living. Moreover they also point out that by moving out of home can be less financial so which means as their parent no longer support their living expenses anymore. On the other hand, some of teenager are not mature enough to moving out of home therefore there are others to feel pressures to face a modern society and hardly to make their own decisions. Furthermore, they might not be able to effort their living costs. For examples internet bills, power bills and water bills. These bills are still not include personal use such as shower gel or washing powder that needed to purchase every month or two months. after I consider all passengers, I believe that teenager or fresh graduate should not be living by their own. There is notice able that some of them are not mature enough to looking after themselves and manage everything by their own.
In the past, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their family after
Did you mean "they're graduating", "they are graduating", or "they were graduating"?
they graduating
from high school.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
in contemporary society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
are
Consider using a past participle here: "chosen".
choose
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their parents. Meanwhile, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
had more responsible and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in contrast
, there are those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that fresh graduates should stay home after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
high school until they are ready for face to modern world. I will give my opinion in the essay below.

First
,
Consider using "some proposition" or "some of the proposition".
some of proposition
believe that high school graduate is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their family.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
also
point out that by moving out of home can be less financial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
which means as their parent no longer support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses anymore.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to moving out of home
therefore
there are others to feel pressures to face a modern society and hardly to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
Furthermore
, they might not be able to effort their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
costs. For examples internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
, power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
are
still
not include personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such as shower gel or washing powder that needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
every month or two months.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
I consider all passengers, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
or fresh graduate should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. There is notice able that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
to looking after themselves and manage everything by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS essay Young people should move out of the family home after graduating from high school.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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