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Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous younger generation. Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between young and old?

Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous younger generation. Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between young and old? pR1L9
The development of technology can be powerful equipment, and for some reason, young people use it to raise their status in society. Nowadays, young people are more motivated to achieve several goals to be able to lift their position compared to the past young generations. This essay will discuss some reasons why this is happening and how this issue affects their relationship with the elder people. Currently, young people tend to be more aware of technological developments, and they are extremely fast in adapting to the new systems. They have more open opportunities because they already hold postgraduate degrees or even doctoral degrees before 30 years old. Due to this improvement of educational background, there are many digital companies led by youngsters. Another reason is, physically present young people tend to be stronger and faster at work, which most of them only sleep about 4-5 hours a day, so they can be more productive in doing something. Also, they tend to be more creative in generating new ideas to develop a business. Meanwhile, the past youngsters were more focused on their families, but this is not the priority today. On the other hand, changes in the abilities of the youngsters can potentially harm their relationship with elders if these young people do not have good ethics. As we all know that many young people lead companies which some of the employees are older than them. If there is no respect between them, this will affect the productivity of the company. To conclude, young people have an influence, particularly in the technology industry, and the previous generations are starting to fall behind by them. However, they must always respect their elders to maintain harmony between generations.
The development of technology can be powerful equipment, and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to raise their status in society. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more motivated to achieve several goals to be able to lift their position compared to the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this is happening and how this issue affects their relationship with the elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be more aware of technological developments, and they are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
in adapting to the new systems. They have more open opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already hold postgraduate degrees or even doctoral degrees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Due to this improvement of educational background, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
digital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
led by youngsters. Another reason is,
physically
present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be stronger and faster at work, which most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sleep about 4-5 hours a day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be more productive in doing something.
Also
, they tend to be more creative in generating new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to develop a business. Meanwhile, the past youngsters were more focused on their families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the abilities of the youngsters can
potentially
harm their relationship with elders if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ethics.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we all know that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
employees are older than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
. If there is no respect between them, this will affect the productivity of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an influence,
particularly
in the technology industry, and the previous generations are starting to fall behind by them.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
always respect their elders to maintain harmony between generations.
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IELTS essay Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous younger generation. Why is this the case? What impact does this have on the relationship between young and old?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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