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Writing task 2 , importance of traditional music than international music

Writing task 2, importance of traditional music than international music BgOL5
There is no doubt that music plays a very important role in our everyday life. In this contemporary world, we get to listen to various kinds of music. There are many reasons why we need music in our lives. I think, that traditional music is more important than the International music. In my essay, I will enlist a few reasons to support my argument. Firstly, music and songs are very crucial to us in this stressful world. They can help us to be calm and feel relaxed. It takes us to a whole different world and helps us to forget our problems for a minute. Not only to relieve stress, but also, songs are used to express and to get in touch with our feelings and emotions, in turn making our lives meaningful. Though international music is quite popular nowadays as it helps us to understand the views of different kinds of people through their songs, it has a few destructive effects on local singers. Many of the younger generation are more inclined to western music than our classical music. For instance, on youtube, a pop singer from west has a million Indian subscribers, whereas a Carnatic singer is not supported that much by our very own people. So International music is good but only to some extent where people encourage local music with even enthusiasm. When we talk about traditional music, it is very important because it represents our country's history and heritage. As said by many successful people, that we should never forget our roots, same applies here too. India has various kinds of music and Carnatic music is the most significant among them. To state the fact, many foreigners from different parts of the world come to India to know about our culture and traditions and our classical music is a huge part of it. Younger people should be taught regarding the values of our music and should be encouraged as well. In conclusion, I believe, that traditional music represents our culture and heritage and it is our responsibility is to respect and preserve it.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our everyday life. In this contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to listen to various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In my essay, I will enlist a few reasons to support my argument.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and songs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to us in this stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to be calm and feel relaxed. It takes us to a whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to forget our problems for a minute. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, songs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to express and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with our feelings and emotions, in turn making our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
meaningful. Though international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is quite popular nowadays as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to understand the views of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through their songs, it has a few destructive effects on local singers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the younger generation are more inclined to western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
than our classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
, on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
, a pop singer from west has a million Indian subscribers, whereas a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Carnatic
singer is not supported that much by our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encourage local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with even enthusiasm.

When we talk about traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it represents our country's history and heritage. As said by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, that we should never forget our roots, same applies here too. India has various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Carnatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the most significant among them. To state the fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreigners from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to India to know about our culture and traditions and our classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a huge part of it. Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be taught
regarding the values of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and should
be encouraged
as well
.

In conclusion
, I believe, that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
represents our culture and heritage and it is our responsibility is to respect and preserve it.
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IELTS essay Writing task 2, importance of traditional music than international music

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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