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write an essay to discuss about the following statement: “ Immigrants have major impact on the situated nations”. Do you agree or disagree with that statement?

write an essay to discuss about the following statement: “ Immigrants have major impact on the situated nations”. jVKKd
The issue of immigration has always been a political hot potato. When it comes to this thought-provoking problem, many people claim that immigrants have considerable influence on the situated countries. In my opinion, I advocate this idea due to these following reasons. Firstly, foreigners make a substantial contribution to the nation’s economy. Many economic analysts approve that migrants help develop the economy by filling labor needs, purchasing goods and paying taxes. To be specific, settlers not only increase the productivity but also are investors or job creators who create employment opportunities for the national population. In the case of Japan, the number of the elderly has increased significantly in recent years, thus, expatriates will help fill labor demand and maintain the social safety net. Secondly, immigration also affects the culture as people coming from various countries and living in the same place will result in the culture diversity. In particular, foreigners expand the culture by introducing new ideas, expertise, customs, cuisines, etc. For example, many Koreans moving to other nations and they bring out some of their popular dishes. As a result, Korean food is so famous for its flavor and becomes well-known all over the world that there is at least a Korean restaurant in every big cities. Last but not least, immigration causes some security problems when the number of refugees is not under control. Especially when many migrants travel to the country illegally, this can be the threat of violent conflict leading to a severe debate. To illustrate, immigration crisis in America has brought up a serious debate among people about its humanity. To sum up, immigration has certain impact on some national aspects and the advantage outweighs the disadvantage. Thus, migrants should get approval to enter the country legally and make a positive contribution to the society.
The issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
has always been a political hot potato. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that immigrants have considerable influence on the situated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my opinion, I advocate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to these following reasons.

Firstly
, foreigners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a substantial contribution to the nation’s economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
economic analysts approve that migrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop the economy by filling labor needs, purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and paying taxes. To be specific, settlers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
are investors or job creators who create employment opportunities for the national population. In the case of Japan, the number of the elderly has increased
significantly
in recent years,
thus
, expatriates will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
fill labor demand and maintain the social safety net.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
also
affects the culture as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and living in the same place will result in the culture diversity.
In particular
, foreigners expand the culture by introducing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, expertise, customs, cuisines, etc.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Koreans moving to other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nations and
they bring out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their popular dishes.
As a result
, Korean food is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its flavor and becomes well-known all over the world that there is at least a Korean restaurant in every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
security problems when the number of refugees is not under control.
Especially
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
migrants travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
illegally
, this can be the threat of violent conflict leading to a severe debate. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
crisis in America has brought up a serious debate among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about its humanity.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
has certain impact on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
national aspects and the advantage outweighs the disadvantage.
Thus
, migrants should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
approval to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
legally
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to the society.
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IELTS essay write an essay to discuss about the following statement: “ Immigrants have major impact on the situated nations”.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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