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Government should reduce environmental pollution and housing problems to save people from illness.Do you agree or disagree

Government should reduce environmental pollution and housing problems to save people from illness. alOOV
NOWDAYS, ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION AND HOUSING HAS BEEN THE GREATEST THREATS THAT CAUSES ILLNESS IN THE COUNTRY. DOES THE GOVERNMENT TENT TO PREVENT THE ORDINARY FROM SUCH CALAMITIES? . PERSONALLY, I PARTIALY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT BECAUSE THEY HAVE A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN CREATING THE WRECKAGE AS WELL AS CLEANING THEM UP. FIRSTLY, DEFORESTATION PRODUCE A GLOBAL IMPACT IN MOTHER NATURE. SUCH NOXIOUS PRACTISES BRING UP THE THE LEVEL OF CARBON DIOXIDE IN THE ATMOSPHERE, THEREBY, DEPLETING THE OZONE LAYER, WHICH IN TURN, CAST THE ULTRAVIOLENT RAYS TO THE SURFACE. FOR INSTANCE, IN URBAN AREAS, AUTOMOBILES ARE A MAJOR SOURCE OF POLLUTION. HOWEVER THE EXTRAVAGANT USAGE OF CARS AND MOTOR CYCLES, THE COMBUSTION OF THESE NON RENEWABLE RESOURCES POLLUTE THE ENVIRONMENT THUS, INCREASES THE LEVEL OF GREEN HOUSE GASES, MAKE WAY FOR DISEASE LIKE SKIN CANER. WHILE THE ORDINARY ARE BATTLING THESE ATROCITIES, THE OFFICIALS OF THE STATE HAVE ALSO ENCOURAGED THE UTILISATION OF ELECTRIC CARS. SECONDLY, THE PEOPLE RESIDING IN RURAL ARE AT ARE ABUNDANTLY PRONE TO DISEASES. SINCE A SMALL POPULATION COVERS THESE LAND EVERYONE ARE CONNECTED, THEREBY, MAKING MIGHTY ADVANTAGE. THE GOVERMENT ENCOURAGED A PUBLIC AWARENESS CAMP ALONG WITH A MEDICAL CAMP IN LOCATIONS THAT ARE VULNERABLE. THEY WERE SUCESSFUL IN PUTTING A STOP TO THE CONCERNS. FOR EXAMPLE, MY FRIEND IS A DOCTOR AND TRAVELLED TO A COLONIAL REGION TO LEND A HAND TO THE POOR. BECAUSE OF SOCIAL WORK, HE WAS ABLE TO SAVE THE SOCIETY FROM WIDE SPREAD CHOLERA. ON THE OTHER HAND, BY CIRCUMSTANCES OF TWO FOLD, I FEEL THAT THE STATE HEADS ESTABLISHED A LOT OF SOPHISTICATED TECHNOLOGY FOR THE WELFARE OF THE PEOPLE. THIS RENOVATIONS MADE UP LIVES UNCHALLENGING, THEREBY, FORMULATING THE GROUND FOR POLLUTION. TO ILLUSTRATE, FACTORIES ARE INTRODUCED TO BUILD THE ECONOMY AS WELL AS TO REDUCE UNEMPLOYEMENT. YET, IT IS A CATASTROPHE. TO CONCLUDE, IT IS A PROMISING FACT THAT THERE WILL BE CERTAIN DEVELOPMENTS IN EVERY ASPECTS TO HAND OVER A CLEANER SURROUNDING.
Possible spelling mistake found.
NOWDAYS
, ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION AND HOUSING HAS BEEN THE GREATEST THREATS THAT CAUSES ILLNESS IN THE COUNTRY. DOES THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
TENT TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PREVENT
THE ORDINARY FROM SUCH CALAMITIES?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
PERSONALLY
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
PARTIALY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AGREE
WITH THIS STATEMENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY HAVE A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN CREATING THE WRECKAGE
AS WELL
AS CLEANING THEM UP.

FIRSTLY
, DEFORESTATION PRODUCE A GLOBAL IMPACT IN MOTHER NATURE. SUCH NOXIOUS
Possible spelling mistake. 'PRACTISES' is British English.
PRACTISES
BRING UP
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "THE" or "THE" is left.
THE THE
LEVEL OF CARBON DIOXIDE IN THE ATMOSPHERE, THEREBY, DEPLETING THE OZONE LAYER, WHICH IN TURN, CAST THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
ULTRAVIOLENT
RAYS TO THE SURFACE.
FOR INSTANCE
, IN URBAN AREAS, AUTOMOBILES ARE A MAJOR SOURCE OF POLLUTION.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
HOWEVER
THE EXTRAVAGANT USAGE OF CARS AND MOTOR CYCLES, THE COMBUSTION OF THESE
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
NON RENEWABLE
RESOURCES POLLUTE THE ENVIRONMENT
THUS
, INCREASES THE LEVEL OF GREEN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HOUSE
GASES,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
WAY FOR DISEASE LIKE SKIN CANER. WHILE THE ORDINARY ARE BATTLING THESE ATROCITIES, THE OFFICIALS OF THE STATE HAVE
ALSO
ENCOURAGED THE
Possible spelling mistake. 'UTILISATION' is British English.
UTILISATION
OF ELECTRIC CARS.

SECONDLY
, THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
RESIDING IN RURAL ARE AT ARE
ABUNDANTLY
PRONE TO DISEASES. SINCE A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SMALL
POPULATION COVERS THESE LAND EVERYONE
The pronoun 'EVERYONE' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
ARE
CONNECTED, THEREBY, MAKING MIGHTY ADVANTAGE. THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
GOVERMENT
ENCOURAGED A PUBLIC AWARENESS CAMP ALONG WITH A MEDICAL CAMP IN LOCATIONS THAT ARE VULNERABLE. THEY WERE
Possible spelling mistake found.
SUCESSFUL
IN PUTTING A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STOP
TO THE CONCERNS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, MY FRIEND IS A DOCTOR AND TRAVELLED TO A COLONIAL REGION TO LEND A HAND TO THE POOR.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF SOCIAL WORK, HE WAS ABLE TO SAVE THE SOCIETY FROM WIDE SPREAD CHOLERA.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, BY CIRCUMSTANCES OF
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
TWO FOLD
, I FEEL THAT THE STATE HEADS ESTABLISHED
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A LOT OF
SOPHISTICATED TECHNOLOGY FOR THE WELFARE OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.
Did you mean "these"?
THIS
RENOVATIONS MADE UP
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNCHALLENGING
, THEREBY, FORMULATING THE GROUND FOR POLLUTION. TO ILLUSTRATE, FACTORIES
ARE INTRODUCED
TO BUILD THE ECONOMY
AS WELL
AS TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
REDUCE
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNEMPLOYEMENT
.
YET
, IT IS A CATASTROPHE.

TO CONCLUDE
, IT IS A PROMISING FACT THAT THERE WILL BE CERTAIN DEVELOPMENTS IN EVERY
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
ASPECTS
TO HAND OVER A CLEANER SURROUNDING.
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IELTS essay Government should reduce environmental pollution and housing problems to save people from illness.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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