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Write an argumentative essay on the topic: “Students should not get a part-time job.

Write an argumentative essay on the topic: “Students should not get a part-time job. Grjgx
Some people believe that students shouln't take part-time job along with study in university. On the other hand, other people take the opposite view and say that taking part-time jobs during study in university can be benefical for the students, But I pesonally agree with this statement that students should not take part-time job while they are studying in universities. In other words, from my point of view, its not advisable for students to do work and study simultenously because of three main reasons. First of all, part-time jobs take lots of time. Students should spend plentiful time and energy on their university courses. As a matter of fact, they should set several hours every day to study their lessons profoundly and do their assingments closely in order to take advantage of university and become successful. But, if they take part-time job, obviously they can't spend so much time on their university materials. For instance, last quarter one of my friends took part-time job and she went to work three eight-hour day in a week, so she hadn't sufficient time for studying and doing her home works well. Therefore, she couldn't catch up the lessons in class. Consequently, at the end of the semester she was failed in the final exam and she had to take that course again next quarter. Second, students who do part-time jobs mostly isn't paid enough and their wage are very low. Thus, it can't be so helpful and efficacious for them in financial aspect. They do works that most of the time are not related to their field of study and they just increase their workload for slight sum of money. As far as I'm concerned its not worthwhile to allot their time to such a cheap work. Finally, doing part time job can be so exhausting. All the students require to have free time; that is, they should allocate part of their times for hobbies and all other activities that they enjoy. Students who take part-time job certainly fill all of their times with work and university, so they havn't enough spare time. As a result, they gradually become depressed and cheerless that probably decline their effectiveness in study. In sum, because of the time-consuming, the low income and being tedious, taking part-time job during study is not proper.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouln
't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take the opposite view and say that taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
pesonally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while they are studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, from my point of view, its not advisable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Possible spelling mistake found.
simultenously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of three main reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
take lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should spend plentiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses. As a matter of fact, they should set several hours every day to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
their lessons
profoundly
and do their
Possible spelling mistake found.
assingments
closely
in order to take advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and become successful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
obviously
they can't spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
materials.
For instance
, last quarter one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
-time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
she went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
three eight-hour day in a week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she hadn't sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studying and doing her home works well.
Therefore
, she couldn't catch up the lessons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Consequently
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the semester she
was failed
in the final
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
exam and
she had to take that course again
next
quarter.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
mostly
isn't paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and their wage are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.
Thus
, it can't be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful and efficacious for them in financial aspect. They do
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "work"?
works
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are not related to their field of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increase their workload for slight sum of money.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as I'm concerned
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
not worthwhile to allot their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
work.

Finally
, doing part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exhausting. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
require to have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
that is
, they should allocate part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for hobbies and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities that they enjoy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
certainly
fill all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
Did you mean "haven't"?
havn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, they
gradually
become depressed and cheerless that
probably
decline their effectiveness in study.

In sum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the time-consuming, the low income and being tedious, taking part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is not proper.

IELTS essay Write an argumentative essay on the topic: “Students should not get a part-time job.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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