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These days many people have unhealthy diet, and some people are not to do exercise. What do you think of this? How the people to encourage for healthier lifestyle?

These days many people have unhealthy diet, and some people are not to do exercise. What do you think of this? How the people to encourage for healthier lifestyle? BYO09
Today, the development of society, the number of people who work over 8 hours have increased by 20 percent in the last 5 years. In addition, industry of fast food have developed, which makes more and more people have not good healthy life. In this essay, I will outline a number of reason why a lot of people have unhealthy lifestyles, and variety of solutions to tackle this issue. On the one hand, there are various reasons why people become overweight, and obesity. Firstly, many general public spend too much time watching T. V and using computers. For instance, socialists from Vietnamese National Institute conducted extensive surveys among 10 thousand candidates, they found that the number of people who have health problem such as heart disease, or obesity have climbed from 30 to 60 percent in last 2 years. Moreover, people prefer to eat junk food to healthy food. A striking example to illustrate this point is many international schools in Vietnam serve junk food to children at lunchtime. Therefore, it can be said junk food is one of the major reason lead to people’s unhealthy life. On the other hand, there are some approaches to solve this problem. Firstly, schools can replaced junk food to healthy food to serve children at lunchtime. Tam Nguyen, who founder Eat clean program in Vietnam, she inspire to gain weight in younger generations. Althought she used to eat fast food, and had problem with her brain. Secondly, governments can invest money to build more facilities for people to exercise such as gyms, parks, or swimming pools. In 2018, Vietnam recorded the highest number of general public who usually do exercise 2 or 3 times per week. Therefore, the number of people who have obesity have decreased from 60 to 35 percent in 2020. In conclusion, there has some reasons why people have unhealthy diet, and people not to do exersie. However, I give a number of ideas to tackle this issue.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the development of society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work over 8 hours have increased by 20 percent in the last 5 years.
In addition
, industry of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have developed, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthy life. In this essay, I will outline a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have unhealthy lifestyles, and variety of solutions to tackle this issue.

On the one hand, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become overweight, and obesity.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Consider using "public".
general public
spend too much time watching T. V and using computers.
For instance
, socialists from Vietnamese National Institute conducted extensive surveys among 10 thousand candidates, they found that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have health problem such as heart disease, or obesity have climbed from 30 to 60 percent in last 2 years.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. A striking example to illustrate this point is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international schools in Vietnam serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to children at lunchtime.
Therefore
, it can
be said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
unhealthy life.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
approaches to solve this problem.
Firstly
, schools can replaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to serve children at lunchtime. Tam Nguyen,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
founder Eat clean program in Vietnam, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "inspires", "inspired".
inspire
to gain weight in younger generations.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althought
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and had problem with her brain.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can invest money to build more facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exercise such as gyms, parks, or swimming pools. In 2018, Vietnam recorded the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Consider using "public".
general public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
usually
do exercise 2 or 3 times per week.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have obesity have decreased from 60 to 35 percent in 2020.

In conclusion
, there has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have unhealthy diet, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
exersie
.
However
, I give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to tackle this issue.

IELTS essay These days many people have unhealthy diet, and some people are not to do exercise. What do you think of this? How the people to encourage for healthier lifestyle?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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