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Write about your dream in order to be

Write about your dream in order to be Dawdo
When I was 5 years old, I dreamed of becoming a teacher to help children in my country have an open future. When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be a football player because I took an avid interest in playing football with my friends that day. When I was 14 years old, I chose journalism as my major in the next 5 years because I both keened on writing and had a head for writing too. When I was 16 years old, I realized that a perfect job is a combination of four elements which are mission, passion, profession, and vocation. But when I was 18, I chose a job with merely thinking of the best suitable job for me. And now, I roll up my sleeves to conquer it …
When I was 5 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, I dreamed of becoming a teacher to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children in my country have an open future.

When I was 10 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, I wanted to be a football player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I took an avid interest in playing football with my friends that day.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
When
I was 14 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, I chose journalism as my major in the
next
5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I both keened on writing and had a head for writing too.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
When
I was 16 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, I realized that a perfect job is a combination of four elements which are mission, passion, profession, and vocation.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when I was 18, I chose a job with
merely
thinking of the best suitable job for me. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I roll up my sleeves to conquer it …

IELTS essay Write about your dream in order to be

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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