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Describe an important life event in your country. You should say: - What it is - When it happens - How you prepare for it - why it is so important - When/Where does it take place? - Who do you celebrate it with?

Describe an important life event in your country. You should say: - What it is - When it happens - How you prepare for it - why it is so important - When/Where does it take place? - Who do you celebrate it with? 8Jdmm
There are lots of important life events that we are celebrating in my country, but I want to talk about the "blossoms ceremony" which is a matter of great importance to Iranian people as it stands for a major rite of passage into adulthood. It is celebrated by all children of the age of seven. Seven is the age when they go to school and become students for the first time. This ceremony is held every year in October. It is always held two days before schools open. All news covers this ceremony and you can see excited young children lining up in the schoolyard and watching the musicals. Girls always wear Manto -a uniform with hijab - and scarf and boys can wear a shirt and jeans. They all have colorful school bags and brand-new stationery. Children go to school with their parents and could bring their toys and dolls. The teachers and school principal will welcome them and help them to line up in the schoolyard. The ceremony varies from place to place. But they usually have performances, musicals, and speeches. Children listen to the principal talking about their new season of life and what it means to be a student. They are also given gifts and flowers. It's an important part of the ceremony since the first impression always matters and could affect the way kids feel about school. School staff try their best to make a memorable experience for students. Parents usually take photos to capture the moments of children first day of school which will not happen again and is a turning point in children's life. After the ceremony, the school principal asks the parents to leave and wave their children goodbye and guide students one by one to classrooms. It will be their first class ever. Teachers will introduce themselves and so do the students. They will not only talk about life in school through stories and paintings but also explain the fun programs they will have. At the end of the day, after the school bell rang, teachers will guide students to get on a school bus and go home.
There are lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that we are celebrating in my country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I want to talk about the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
blossoms ceremony
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which is a matter of great importance to Iranian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as it stands for a major rite of passage into adulthood. It
is celebrated
by all
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children
of the age of seven. Seven is the age when they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
time. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ceremony
is held
every year in October. It is always held two days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
open. All news covers this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ceremony
and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
excited young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lining up in the schoolyard and watching the musicals. Girls always wear
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manto
-a uniform with hijab
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
and scarf and boys can wear a shirt and jeans. They all have colorful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bags and brand-new stationery.

Children go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with their parents and could bring their toys and dolls. The teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
principal will welcome them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to line up in the schoolyard. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ceremony
varies from place to place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
usually
have performances, musicals, and speeches.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
listen to the principal talking about their new season of life and what it means to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. They are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
gifts and flowers. It's an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ceremony
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
impression always matters and could affect the way kids feel about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
staff try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a memorable experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Parents
usually
take photos to capture the moments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
which will not happen again and is a turning point in children's life.

After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ceremony
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
principal asks the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and wave their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
goodbye and guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
one by one to classrooms. It will be their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
ever. Teachers will introduce themselves and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talk about life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
through stories and paintings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the fun programs they will have. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bell rang, teachers will guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bus and go home.
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IELTS essay Describe an important life event in your country. You should say: - What it is - When it happens - How you prepare for it - why it is so important - When/Where does it take place? - Who do you celebrate it with?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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