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Write about professional entertainers (musicians, actors, performers, dancers, and other stars) and athletes and their income. Do you think those people are paid too much? Get your arguments.

Write about professional entertainers (musicians, actors, performers, dancers, and other stars) and athletes and their income. Do you think those people are paid too much? Get your arguments. dopop
Nowadays, there are many professional entertainers such as actors, musicians, . . . who become celebrities and have a large amount of salary which they are paid. Some people disagree that those entertainers just need a few efforts and get more than everyone would wish for. However, in my opinion, all the entertainers probably have to pass a lot of difficulty in their childhood witht their talent, motivation, hard work to success and become famous in these day. Therefore, I agree that professional entertainers should get a high income which worth their perseverance. Firstly, their are many entertainers in mordern days because they want high salary and light work, but that's not that easy. Despite the large amount of people trying to become celebrities, there's only a few of them who success thanks to their perseverance and hard work during a long time without discouraged. That's also proved that the professional entertainers should get a big income due to their motivation of not giving up. Secondly, many people look from the outside and think that the "stars" just do a light work but get everything, throughout what I have experience and see, I totally disagree. In fact, the celebrities not only need hard work and talent to success but also be very tired because of many annoying things, for example: there fans' harassment; their rigid schedule and so on. As we can see, professional entertainers have work really hard to get their big achievements. Finally, the "stars" nowadays have great talent who can do just a single work but they are very good at it, that's why they get a high income because of their viewers, fans and it's all their effort. In conclusion, professional entertainers have to work very hard and need a long tireless effort to success and get a high salary which they have always want. Therefore, I agree that celebrities should get a high income which worthwhile.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
such as actors, musicians
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
who
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and have a large amount of salary which they
are paid
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need a few efforts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more than everyone would wish for.
However
, in my opinion, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulty in their childhood
Possible spelling mistake found.
witht
their talent, motivation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
which worth their perseverance.

Firstly
,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
mordern
days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary and light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that's not that easy. Despite the large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
trying to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, there's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few of them who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
thanks to their perseverance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during a long time without discouraged. That's
also
proved that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
due to their motivation of not giving up.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
look from the outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
stars
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do a light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything, throughout what I have experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, I
totally
disagree. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and talent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
annoying things,
for example
: there fans' harassment; their rigid schedule and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
achievements.
Finally
, the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
stars
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
nowadays have great talent who can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at it, that's why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their viewers, fans and it's all their effort.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and need a long tireless effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary which they have always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "wanted".
want
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
which worthwhile.
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IELTS essay Write about professional entertainers (musicians, actors, performers, dancers, and other stars) and athletes and their income. Do you think those people are paid too much? Get your arguments.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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