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globally school student behaviour is sever problem with country, what are the causes in student behaviour? Please suggest the solution

globally school student behaviour is sever problem with country, what are the causes in student behaviour? Please suggest the solution r8b8k
Nowadays, school student behaviours have changed a lot than a decade ago. This is caused due to various reasons and it becomes the most important problem in every nation. Country needs to address these issues to prevent this deteriorating situation. There are two important problems are drugs addiction and technology addiction. Pupils can be addicted easily by drugs due to available easily. They can buy from shops and bad social elements. it has affected the concentration in studies, attendance and discipline. Next, Technology addiction can be famous in recent years due to invention of modern gadgets. Most of the students are using smartphones, gaming gadgets, laptops and tablets. These are consuming considerable amount of their time at home and schools. They are mostly watching inappropriate contents and playing games. These are causing poor concentration in studies, poor sleep, lack of attendance in school, poor social behaviour and finally poor scores. To address above problems, Parents and Teachers shall be working together with students. They shall provide proper guidance, carefully watching their activities and friend circle for drug addicted children. They have to spend more time with children and understand their issues with schools and society. They have to create more bonding with them. For example, they make a plan tour with children. Technology addiction can be addressed by providing proper parental guidance to the children. They should not encourage to buy advanced electronic gadgets. Even if they buy, provide an appropriate parental control for all electronic gadgets, which can be vulnerable to their health. They would have engaged with social activities such a volunteering for traffic control and scribe for blinds, Meeting relatives and encourage to participate physical games. In conclusion, globally school student behaviours are challenging issue. However, if parents and schools are providing proper guidance and an individual attention, this will be solution of these problems.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot than a decade ago. This
is caused
due to various reasons and it becomes the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in every nation. Country needs to address these issues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this deteriorating situation.

There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are drugs addiction and technology addiction. Pupils can
be addicted
easily
by drugs due to available
easily
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from shops and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
social elements.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the concentration in studies, attendance and discipline.

Next
, Technology addiction can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in recent years due to invention of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are using smartphones, gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
, laptops and tablets. These are consuming considerable amount of their time at home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. They are
mostly
watching inappropriate contents and playing games. These are causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
concentration in studies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
sleep, lack of attendance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
scores.

To address above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, Parents and Teachers shall be working together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They shall provide proper guidance,
carefully
watching their activities and friend circle for drug addicted children. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more time with children and understand their issues with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and society.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create more bonding with them.
For example
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plan tour with children.

Technology addiction can
be addressed
by providing proper parental guidance to the children. They should not encourage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
advanced electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
. Even if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, provide an appropriate parental control for all electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
, which can be vulnerable to their health. They would have engaged with social activities such a volunteering for traffic control and scribe for blinds, Meeting relatives and encourage
Did you mean "participating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to participate
physical games.

In conclusion
, globally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are challenging issue.
However
, if parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are providing proper guidance and an individual attention, this will be solution of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay globally school student behaviour is sever problem with country, what are the causes in student behaviour? Please suggest the solution

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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