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Write a response to the following argument.The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda. “For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that

Write a response to the following argument. The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda. “For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that PVkxE
The writer of the argument recommends that if the Saluda School board does such a thing, the students in their school will improve in music and regional band competitions. However, this recommendation cannot be accepted as it is because it rests on a number of premises all of which can be challenged in one way or another. The first problem with the argument is that the writer considered no differences between the students in both schools. There is no strong evidence to prove that the students in the two schools are the same in all respects. Maybe the students in the Saluda school generally are less interested in music bands and related activities or maybe their field of study, by no means are related to music and things like that. Secondly, the writer of the arguments also assumed that the conditions in the region where Saluda School is are exactly the same as that of Steel City High region. Clearly, we cannot guarantee that Mr. Shade’s music education programs will result the same outcomes in all regions. Maybe music progress in one region is higher than the progress in other regions or maybe there are more music bands in one region so the competition and also the penchant for music is a lot more than that of other regions. A third problem with the argument as I can see is that family and students’ life outside the school are another important factors which the writer of the argument did not analyze. Parents and other people outside the school may affect the students’ progress and performance in music education. For example, in one family there are other persons who play a music instrument or encourage their children to music and art. Or maybe the students’ progress is a result of their tight and regular practices at home not the school music education programs. So as I clearly stated there are no evidences in support of which the students’ progress is due to Mr. Schade and his programs. To put it together, the writer’s recommendation is based on a set of unsubstantiated assumptions all of which are questionable and the writer did not give us any strong evidence to validate the recommendation. In the final analysis, the recommendations can only be accepted if the weaknesses already referred to in the body paragraphs are all removed.
The
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writer
of the
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argument
recommends that if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
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School
board does such a thing, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their
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school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in
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music
and regional band competitions.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
cannot be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it rests on a number of premises all of which can
be challenged
in one way or another.

The
first
problem with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
considered no differences between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in both
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schools
. There is no strong evidence to prove that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the same in all respects. Maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
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school
generally
are less interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
bands and related activities or maybe their field of study, by no means
are related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and things like that.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
of the
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arguments
also
assumed that the conditions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
where
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saluda
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is are exactly the same as that of Steel City High
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region
.
Clearly
, we cannot guarantee that Mr. Shade’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
education programs will result the same outcomes in all
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regions
. Maybe
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music
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progress
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
is higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
in
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other
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regions
or maybe there are more
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music
bands in one
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region
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the competition and
also
the penchant for
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music
is a lot more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions.

A third problem with the
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argument
as I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is that family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
life outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
did not analyze. Parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
and performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
education.
For example
, in one family there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
persons who play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instrument or encourage their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and art. Or maybe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is a result of their tight and regular practices at home not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
education programs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as I
clearly
stated there are no evidences in support of which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is due to Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Schade
and his programs.

To put it together, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
is based
on a set of unsubstantiated assumptions all of which are questionable and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writer
did not give us any strong evidence to validate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendation
. In the final analysis, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommendations
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
if the weaknesses already referred to in the body paragraphs are all removed.
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IELTS essay Write a response to the following argument. The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda. “For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Write a response to the following argument.The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda. “For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that