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 Would be the availability of more sports facilities lead to better public health? Discuss

 Would be the availability of more sports facilities lead to better public health? Discuss JoVmk
Most people would agree that providing more sports facilities would lead to increased level of fitness and better health among the general population. However, there are also several reasons to why this measurement alone might not be sufficient to achieve the goal. The question of whether building more sports facilities promotes public health complicated. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate as well as give my view of the matter. Developing more gyms, stadiums and leisure centres would be undoubtedly admirable. Firstly, people are most likely to use the sports facilities if it is conveniently located locally. For example, after a long day working or taking care of a family, most people would not prefer to travel a long distance to justify the needs in using sports facilities, such as swimming, or playing tennis. Furthermore, having facilities such as leisure centres in the neighbourhoods will promote and encourage friends, and family members come along joining the exercise or training together, which can be more enjoyable. Finally, accessibility of a local leisure centre can increase awareness of personal fitness and wellbeing, for example, encouraging people those might not usually use the facilities to join the gym scheme. Conversely, other people feel that just having more sports facilities may not be sufficient and necessarily improving public health. Firstly, the facilities may be too expensive, both to use and to build. For instance, massive stadiums cost governments hundred million pounds, while only serving a handful of people, because ordinary people may not be able to afford to pay the fitness membership fees. Secondly, other fitness avenues should also be considered, such as training, diets, professional sports coaching and goal setting. Without proper organization and professional staffing, many people may visit sports facilities just a few times and give up or do something else more fun. Finally, the most important thing is to change the mindset and the sedentary lifestyle of people and tackle the increasing healthcare problems of overweight and obesity. Therefore, an educational programme should be in place to support the behavioural change. For example, the government may set up various fitness initiatives or sponsorships to encourage people including young people to get fitter. As well as, NHS and local councils can pay an extra effort on their websites to raise the awareness and promote health wellbeing. Overall, it seems that more sports facilities in neighbourhoods can be useful and be encouraging to local communities’ fitness with the benefits of raising fitness awareness, convenient to use and enjoy sports with friends and families, provided that the supporting and educational programmes are in place.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would lead to increased level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
among the general population.
However
, there are
also
several reasons to why this measurement alone might not be sufficient to achieve the goal.
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
The question of whether
building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities promotes public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
complicated. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
give my view of the matter.

Developing more gyms, stadiums and leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
would be
undoubtedly
admirable.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are most likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities if it is
conveniently
located
locally
.
For example
, after a long day working or taking care of a family, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not prefer to travel a long distance to justify the needs in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, such as swimming, or playing tennis.
Furthermore
, having facilities such as leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
will promote and encourage friends, and family members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
along joining the exercise or training together, which can be more enjoyable.
Finally
, accessibility of a local leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
can increase awareness of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
,
for example
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those might not
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the gym scheme.

Conversely
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities may not be sufficient and
necessarily
improving public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Firstly
, the facilities may be too expensive, both to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and to build.
For instance
, massive stadiums cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
million pounds, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serving a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be able to afford to pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
membership fees.
Secondly
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
avenues should
also
be considered
, such as training, diets, professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
coaching and goal setting. Without proper organization and professional staffing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few times and give up or do something else more fun.
Finally
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mindset and the sedentary lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and tackle the increasing healthcare problems of overweight and obesity.
Therefore
, an educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
should be in place to support the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may set up various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
initiatives or sponsorships to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fitter.
As well
as, NHS and local councils can pay an extra effort on their websites to raise the awareness and promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.

Overall
, it seems that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
can be useful and be encouraging to local communities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
with the benefits of raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
awareness, convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with friends and families, provided that the supporting and educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are in place.
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IELTS essay  Would be the availability of more sports facilities lead to better public health? Discuss

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
435 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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