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World would be a better place if more women were on leaders position. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

World would be a better place if more women were on leaders position. XqRNP
In this contemporary era, thre perception towards working women has changed. Is it not a verifiable fact that an array of masses deem that more leaders seats will be reserved for women for the better running of the society? Basically, this is true phenomenon. As far as my paradigm is being concerned, I partially agree with this statement and I will justify my opinion in this piece of writing. To commence with the notion, why more women will be leaders? This is due to the fact that women have more patience and co-operation, even they adapt things easily. To demonstrate this, there is an epitome that, a survey
In this contemporary era,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thre
perception towards working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Is it not a verifiable fact that an array of masses
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "deems"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'deem' is not always incorrect.)
deem
that more leaders seats will
be reserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for the better running of the society?
Basically
, this is true phenomenon. As far as my paradigm is
being concerned
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and I will justify my opinion in this piece of writing.

To commence with the notion, why more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be leaders?
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have more patience and co-operation, even they adapt things
easily
. To demonstrate this, there is an epitome that, a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
survey
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IELTS essay World would be a better place if more women were on leaders position.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
107 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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