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Working for fewer days but longer hours

Working for fewer days but longer hours QM2EP
Throughout history, people have always tried to find a job that satisfies there needs in a better way. In this regard, there is a new argument among academicians and labour activists about whether working three days a week with longer hours is more suitable for workers or working five days a week with shorter hours. I personally contend that the former is more beneficial for every recruited person and in following paragraphs I will elaborate on my viewpoint through two outstanding reasons. The first exquisit point to be mentioned is that by working fewer days a week, everybody has enough time for other activities. It is true that job has a prominent role in every person's life, but it is not the whole life. Every human being needs enough time for personal development and self-cognition. Take a personal experience as an example; three years ago I had a job in a newspaper and I was supposed to write some articles three days a week. So, I had enough time to participate in theater practices which is my main interest in life. Playing and acting a scene needs much practice and time and it is not possible to rehearse less than four days a week. That kind of job made me capble of playing in one theater at the same time that I was working. Another equally important point which deserves to be mentioned is that working for fewer days makes it possible to progress better in work too. To be more clear, every job has two main parts: tasks and education. One can be successful in his or her job that can develops knowledge and avoid of staying fixed and unchanged. Thus, a good work condition will provide workers and employees enough time to educate themselves and expand their knowledge. For instance, my brother works in a company four days a week, but the company has asked them to study the latest updates in their fields and even has considered big raises in their wages in condition they get professional certifications in their fields. But they have to learn and study these materials in their free time. If they were supposed to work more days in week, they would have no time for self-education. To wrap up, I firmly believe that working three days a week but in longer hours is more suitable for employees than working 5 days a week for shorter hours. Having time for another activities and the possibility of self-education are two main reasons that justify my perspective.
Throughout history,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have always tried to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that satisfies there needs in a better way. In this regard, there is a new argument among academicians and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
activists about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
with longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is more suitable for workers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
five days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
with shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. I
personally
contend that the former is more beneficial for every recruited person and in following paragraphs I will elaborate on my viewpoint through two outstanding reasons.

The
first
Possible spelling mistake found.
exquisit
point to
be mentioned
is that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
fewer days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, everybody has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other activities. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has a prominent role in every person's life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the whole life. Every human being needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for personal development and self-cognition. Take a personal experience as an example; three years ago I had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
newspaper and
I
was supposed
to write
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
articles three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participate in theater practices which is my main interest in life. Playing and acting a scene needs much practice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it is not possible to rehearse less than four days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. That kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
made me
Possible spelling mistake found.
capble
of playing in one theater at the same
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time
that I was working.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point which deserves to
be mentioned
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for fewer days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible to progress better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too. To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has two main parts: tasks and education. One can be successful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that can develops knowledge and avoid of staying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
and unchanged.
Thus
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
condition will provide workers and employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to educate themselves and expand their knowledge.
For instance
, my brother works in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
four days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has asked them to study the latest updates in their fields and even has considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
raises in their wages in condition they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
professional certifications in their fields.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn and study these materials in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. If they
were supposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more days in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, they would have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for self-education.

To wrap up, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is more suitable for employees than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
5 days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for another activities and the possibility of self-education are two main reasons that justify my perspective.
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IELTS essay Working for fewer days but longer hours

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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