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women by providing them certain additional facilities like health for their children and flexibility of their timing? Give your opinion.

women by providing them certain additional facilities like health for their children and flexibility of their timing? Give your opinion. 2bRbJ
Everything undergoes a sea of change over a period of time and during the latter part of the last century, there has been revolution(complete change) in claiming (showing right) the female rights and that has dominated female activites in changing their roles in society. Now, women are rubbing their shoulders to men (women are matching footsteps of men/ women are working equally as men). In such a scenario, they should be facilitated (provided) with flexible working hours and child care or not is a moot (major) issue. This essay inclines (supports)towards the former one. To embark with (To begin with/ to initiate with/ to commence with), in the ancient days in the past/ in the last few years), women were being exploited (Use/ make most of in a negative way) by the male dominating society and their freedom was limited to four walls. With the passage of time, women have broken the shackles of domesticity (boundaries of home responsibilities, and are working step-to-step with men in each and every field. For example, Kalpana Chawla, the great astronaut; Kiran Bedi, the first women IPS officer; and Indira Nooyi, the CEO of Pepsico; all have proven their dominance in the society. But there are myriad of (many) women who have to leave their jobs as a result of social responsibilities and child care. Hence, the government should provide additional facilities to working women so that they can maintain a balance between personal and professional life. Moreover, they can become financially independent which could stop their exploitation. It could easily overcome the determination of male and female gender before child birth. It also provides safety and security to women as they are availed (helped) with flexible working hours. The ratio of working women could rise, leading to equality and better standard of living for the family. This can aid (help/ support/ assist) women to stand for their right against domestic violence. On the contrary (In contrast/ Opposite to this/ In stark contrast/ In sharp contrast/ However), it is also true that such facilities could be abused (wrongly used/ exploited) by females which could ruin (spoil/ damage/ hamper) the overall productivity of the organization. It is not possible for every organization to work in different time frames and scenarios in which the women work, causing obstacle (barrier/ hurdle/ problem) in work chain. Also, the male employees and single fathers will also feel unjustified (cheated). To reiterate (To repeat/ to retell), though some people oppose to give advantages to working women, rights of women for gaining equal recognition (popularity/ identity) in society is justifiable (approproiate and making sense). As it is rightly said, “ Sooner the better”. Nowadays as most of the women are working, should government help the working
Everything undergoes a sea of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over a period of time and during the latter part of the last century, there has been revolution(complete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
) in claiming (showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right)
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and that has dominated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
in changing their roles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are rubbing their shoulders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(women
are matching footsteps of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
/
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
). In such a scenario, they should
be facilitated
(provided) with flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and child care or not is a moot (major) issue. This essay inclines (supports)towards the former one.

To embark with (To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with/ to initiate with/ to commence with), in the ancient days in the past/ in the last few years
Unpaired symbol: '(' seems to be missing
)
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
being exploited
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Use
/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
most of in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way) by the male dominating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and their freedom
was limited
to four walls. With the passage of time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have broken the shackles of domesticity
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
boundaries of home responsibilities, and are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
step-to-step with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in each and every field.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpana
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chawla
, the great astronaut; Kiran
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bedi
, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
IPS officer; and Indira
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nooyi
, the CEO of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pepsico
; all have proven their dominance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are myriad of (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their jobs
as a result
of social responsibilities and child care.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide additional facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can maintain a balance between personal and professional life.
Moreover
, they can become
financially
independent which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their exploitation. It could
easily
overcome the determination of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
child birth. It
also
provides safety and security to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as they
are availed
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
) with flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours. The ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
could rise, leading to equality and better standard of living for the family. This can aid (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
/ support/ assist)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to stand for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
against domestic violence.

On the contrary
(
In contrast
/ Opposite to this/ In stark contrast/ In sharp contrast/
However
), it is
also
true that such facilities could
be abused
(
wrongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
/ exploited) by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
which could ruin (spoil/ damage/ hamper) the
overall
productivity of the organization. It is not possible for every organization to work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
time frames and scenarios in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
work, causing obstacle (barrier/ hurdle/ problem) in work chain.
Also
, the male employees and single fathers will
also
feel unjustified (cheated).

To reiterate (To repeat/ to retell), though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose to give advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for gaining equal recognition (popularity/ identity) in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is justifiable (
Possible spelling mistake found.
approproiate
and making sense). As it is
rightly
said,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
Sooner the better”. Nowadays as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
working
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IELTS essay women by providing them certain additional facilities like health for their children and flexibility of their timing? Give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
454 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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