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women by providing them certain additional facilities like health for their children and flexibility of their timing? Give your opinion.

women by providing them certain additional facilities like health for their children and flexibility of their timing? Give your opinion. 2bRbJ
Everything undergoes a sea of change over a period of time and during the latter part of the last century, there has been revolution(complete change) in claiming (showing right) the female rights and that has dominated female activites in changing their roles in society. Now, women are rubbing their shoulders to men (women are matching footsteps of men/ women are working equally as men). In such a scenario, they should be facilitated (provided) with flexible working hours and child care or not is a moot (major) issue. This essay inclines (supports)towards the former one. To embark with (To begin with/ to initiate with/ to commence with), in the ancient days in the past/ in the last few years), women were being exploited (Use/ make most of in a negative way) by the male dominating society and their freedom was limited to four walls. With the passage of time, women have broken the shackles of domesticity (boundaries of home responsibilities, and are working step-to-step with men in each and every field. For example, Kalpana Chawla, the great astronaut; Kiran Bedi, the first women IPS officer; and Indira Nooyi, the CEO of Pepsico; all have proven their dominance in the society. But there are myriad of (many) women who have to leave their jobs as a result of social responsibilities and child care. Hence, the government should provide additional facilities to working women so that they can maintain a balance between personal and professional life. Moreover, they can become financially independent which could stop their exploitation. It could easily overcome the determination of male and female gender before child birth. It also provides safety and security to women as they are availed (helped) with flexible working hours. The ratio of working women could rise, leading to equality and better standard of living for the family. This can aid (help/ support/ assist) women to stand for their right against domestic violence. On the contrary (In contrast/ Opposite to this/ In stark contrast/ In sharp contrast/ However), it is also true that such facilities could be abused (wrongly used/ exploited) by females which could ruin (spoil/ damage/ hamper) the overall productivity of the organization. It is not possible for every organization to work in different time frames and scenarios in which the women work, causing obstacle (barrier/ hurdle/ problem) in work chain. Also, the male employees and single fathers will also feel unjustified (cheated). To reiterate (To repeat/ to retell), though some people oppose to give advantages to working women, rights of women for gaining equal recognition (popularity/ identity) in society is justifiable (approproiate and making sense). As it is rightly said, “ Sooner the better”. Nowadays as most of the women are working, should government help the working
Everything undergoes a sea of
change
over a period of time and during the latter part of the last century, there has been revolution(complete
change
) in claiming (showing
right)
the
female
rights
and that has dominated
female
activites
in changing their roles in
society
.
Now
,
women
are rubbing their shoulders to
men
(women
are matching footsteps of
men
/
women
are
working
equally as
men
). In such a scenario, they should
be facilitated
(provided) with flexible
working
hours and child care or not is a moot (major) issue. This essay inclines (supports)towards the former one.

To embark with (To
begin
with/ to initiate with/ to commence with), in the ancient days in the past/ in the last few years
)
,
women
were
being exploited
(
Use
/
make
most of in a
negative
way) by the male dominating
society
and their freedom
was limited
to four walls. With the passage of time,
women
have broken the shackles of domesticity
(
boundaries of home responsibilities, and are
working
step-to-step with
men
in each and every field.
For example
,
Kalpana
Chawla
, the great astronaut; Kiran
Bedi
, the
first
women
IPS officer; and Indira
Nooyi
, the CEO of
Pepsico
; all have proven their dominance in the
society
.
But
there are myriad of (
many
)
women
who
have to
leave
their jobs
as a result
of social responsibilities and child care.
Hence
, the
government
should provide additional facilities to
working
women
so
that they can maintain a balance between personal and professional life.
Moreover
, they can become
financially
independent which could
stop
their exploitation. It could
easily
overcome the determination of male and
female
gender
before
child birth. It
also
provides safety and security to
women
as they
are availed
(
helped
) with flexible
working
hours. The ratio of
working
women
could rise, leading to equality and better standard of living for the family. This can aid (
help
/ support/ assist)
women
to stand for their
right
against domestic violence.

On the contrary
(
In contrast
/ Opposite to this/ In stark contrast/ In sharp contrast/
However
), it is
also
true that such facilities could
be abused
(
wrongly
used
/ exploited) by
females
which could ruin (spoil/ damage/ hamper) the
overall
productivity of the organization. It is not possible for every organization to work in
different
time frames and scenarios in which the
women
work, causing obstacle (barrier/ hurdle/ problem) in work chain.
Also
, the male employees and single fathers will
also
feel unjustified (cheated).

To reiterate (To repeat/ to retell), though
some
people
oppose to give advantages to
working
women
,
rights
of
women
for gaining equal recognition (popularity/ identity) in
society
is justifiable (
approproiate
and making sense). As it is
rightly
said,
Sooner the better”. Nowadays as most of the
women
are
working
, should
government
help
the
working
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IELTS essay women by providing them certain additional facilities like health for their children and flexibility of their timing? Give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
454 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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