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Every year Government and individual spent money on new year and various other celebrations. Do you agree or disagree with that. Add relevant examples from your experience.

Every year Government and individual spent money on new year and various other celebrations. with that. Add relevant examples from your experience. 3abA5
In today’s modern world, national events is a part of nation identity and a way to show respect to its tradition and occasion to develope brotherhood among them. However, some people claim that it is waste of money on national events such as new year and other celebrations by government and individuals but other see the other side of the coin. Therefore, many of people believe that national events like new year bring happiness and change in their stressful lifes. To a certain point, I agree with that every person should also consider the factor of money once at least. To begin with, people ceremonies are important in terms of spreading nationality among them and also it gives reason to become happy, to forget their differences and get close to each other by improving their relations. Another worthwhile ratification in their content in a factor money which should also be consider while celebration of the events but this opinion is not stronger enough infront of people’s feelings and patriotism for other peoples of their nation and for tradition too. These celebrations, for example, teach us who we really are, how to lookafter our poor brothers and make them happy with us by providing facilities to them. Moreover, celebration of the new year bring happiness, hopes and changes in the life of every person. In other celebrations, Independence day is very important for every nation in the world. On this day we celebrate our freedom and also remember our martyrs for their sacrifices for the whole nation and for also pass the legacy to our next generation. Secondly, Government already has a plan for national events and they already done all the preparation of funds for the celebration of events which is also right of our every individual. So, Government should also support public to celebrate the national events including religious events. To conclude, Government and individual should organize all the national events with their collaboration. Therefore, it impacts positive on the public health and growth of feeling or brother hood among them. So, this is why the amount spent for such events is essential.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
identity and a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to its tradition and occasion to
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
brotherhood among them.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that it is waste of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as new year and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the coin.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like new year bring happiness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their stressful
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. To a certain point, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that every person should
also
consider the factor of money once at least.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ceremonies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in terms of spreading nationality among them and
also
it gives reason to become happy, to forget their differences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
close to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
by improving their relations. Another worthwhile ratification in their content in a factor money which should
also
be
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this opinion is not stronger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
feelings and patriotism for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and for tradition too. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
,
for example
, teach us who we
really
are, how to
Possible spelling mistake found.
lookafter
our poor brothers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy with us by providing facilities to them.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
of the new year bring happiness, hopes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the life of every person. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Independence day
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in the world. On this day we celebrate our freedom and
also
remember our martyrs for their sacrifices for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and for
also
pass the legacy to our
next
generation.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
already has a plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
events and
they already done all the preparation of funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebration
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which is
also
right of our every individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
also
support public to celebrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
including religious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and individual should organize all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
with their collaboration.
Therefore
, it impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
on the public health and growth of feeling or brother hood among them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is why the amount spent for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is essential.
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IELTS essay Every year Government and individual spent money on new year and various other celebrations. with that. Add relevant examples from your experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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