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Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. 0P21
In the modern world, it is highly debatable whether the existing preventive actions are enough to reduce the rate of crime. While some argue that the situation is stable and no more activities are required, other people claim that there are still areas to improve. The following essay will examine both these statements, and I will also explain why I believe the second opinion is a valid one. To begin with, the development of information technologies helps to improve drastically the situation with criminal activities all over the world. To put it differently, nowadays there is a variety of gadgets, which are widely used to proactively monitor delinquent behaviours, and many of them serve as a deterrent for people to commit a crime. To illustrate this, video cameras on roads are set in a multitude of countries, so drivers usually do not exceed the speed because they understand that it will be recorded. As a result, the rate of car accidents has been significantly reduced in many areas, as technologies keep people from wrong-doings. On the other hand, when it comes to preventive actions to stop criminal activities, there are still a few social projects, which are aimed to keep humans from the justice system. In other words, I strongly believe that governments should pay more attention to social organisations, which work with difficult people who can be treated as potential offenders. As a case in point, some people can not tackle their financial complications, so the only way for them to survive is to commit a crime, and state organisations should shift their emphasis to such groups of citizens. Thus, regular counselling sessions with these humans, as well as valid financial support will potentially be a key to stop future offendings. In conclusion, we are all too familiar with the social dilemma regarding the lever of crime nowadays. Whereas some state that governments and non-state organisations can tackle this problem effectively, I totally believe that there are many strong tools and approaches which should be taken into consideration. Had governments altered their attitude to social activities to support people in their difficult days, it would have been drastically improved the situation with criminals.
In the modern world, it is
highly
debatable whether the existing preventive actions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the situation is stable and no more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are required
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that there are
still
areas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. The following essay will examine both these statements, and I will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe the second opinion is a valid one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the development of information technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
drastically
the situation with criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
all over the world. To put it
differently
, nowadays there is a variety of gadgets, which are
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
proactively
monitor delinquent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them serve as a deterrent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
illustrate this, video cameras on roads
are set
in a multitude of countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
drivers
usually
do not exceed the speed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand that it will
be recorded
.
As a result
, the rate of car accidents has been
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas, as technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
-doings.

On the other hand
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to preventive actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, there are
still
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
projects, which
are aimed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
humans from the justice system.
In other words
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, which work with difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
be treated
as potential offenders. As a case in point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not tackle their financial complications,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for them to survive is to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, and state
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should shift their emphasis to such groups of citizens.
Thus
, regular counselling sessions with these humans,
as well
as valid financial support will
potentially
be a key to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
future
Possible spelling mistake found.
offendings
.

In conclusion
, we are all too familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
dilemma regarding the lever of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
nowadays. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
state that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and non-state
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
can tackle this problem
effectively
, I
totally
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strong tools and approaches which should
be taken
into consideration. Had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
altered their attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their difficult days, it would have been
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the situation with criminals.

IELTS essay Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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