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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Since the beginning of civilization, women have always been associated with taking care of children and doing home chores while men do outside work. Even in the animals female takes care of children until they grow. While I agree with the fact that women are good at taking care of children I disagree with the idea that they should not give preference to their working life. When we make such general statements we do injustice to both, women and men, because on one hand, we are restricting women to the home, on the other hand, we are doing the same for the men by undermining their role in parenthood. For the holistic development of a child, it requires both parents to play their role in the upbringing of the child and the same goes for the workforce and the industry. How can we utilize our full potential if 50 % of us work in restrictive capacity or don't work at all? We can have examples of women thriving in every industry at various roles and positions like Indra Nooyi, Kalpana Chawla, and Chandra Kochhar to name a few. A recent survey done by a popular HR consultancy shows that companies having more percentage of women have a better work environment and better conditions compared to those who have less percentage of women. Moreover, when we put this idea in mind of children and parents, which decides the work of an individual based on his or her gender, then they will select the courses on this prejudice. For example in my college, there was only 1 girl in the mechanical section while no of boys was 3000. You can see this type of examples everywhere in our societies. In conclusion, both men and women should contribute to the upbringing of their child and both should be given the same opportunities in work so they can decide their preference according to their will. We should give women the same motivation for study and work as we do for men.
Since the beginning of civilization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have always
been associated
with taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and doing home chores while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Even in the animals female takes care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
until they grow.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I
Consider using “agree that”.
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they should not give preference to their working life.

When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such general statements we do injustice to both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
on one hand, we are restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to the home,
on the other hand
, we are doing the same for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
by undermining their role in parenthood. For the holistic development of a child, it requires both parents to play their role in the upbringing of the child and the same goes for the workforce and the industry. How can we utilize our full potential if 50 % of us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in restrictive capacity or don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at all?

We can have examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
thriving in every industry at various roles and positions like Indra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nooyi
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpana
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chawla
, and Chandra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kochhar
to name a few. A recent survey done by a popular HR consultancy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
having more percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment and better conditions compared to those who have less percentage of women.

Moreover
, when we put this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents, which decides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of an individual based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
gender, then they will select the courses on this prejudice.
For example
in my college, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1 girl in the mechanical section while no of boys was 3000. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this type of examples everywhere in our societies.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should contribute to the upbringing of their child and both should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can decide their preference according to their will. We should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
the same motivation for study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as we do for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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