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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement? JO5k
Although both parents contribute to bring a new life, one aspect of this process which only women are blessed with, giving birth to a new life. Therefore, it is considered that the mother can nourish a child in a better way than the father. For this reason, it is often argued that a mother should devote more time to bring up a child rather than on a job. While acknowledging that a mother can care for a child, I believe that both the parents have different roles but equal responsibility in this. On the one hand, women can raise a child better than men. Firstly, mother gives birth to the new born, and therefore, they develop a great bond and attachment with one other. A new born is dependent on his mother for well nourishment, cleaning and caring well. During the initial period of life, a baby learn various things from his mother and tends to follow it. Therefore, a mother can impart good nature and behaviour, and raise him to a better person which definitely proves to be helpful for the child's future. On the other hand, it is a responsibility of both the parents to raise and provide a better life to their child. Although father does not give birth to a child, he shares the responsibility of raising the children. While a mother physically cares her child, a father can provide financial support for better education and a well-being of the child. Father has a different role to play in the life of his children. He teaches them ethics and discipline. He can be a role model by being an ideal father, and thus, children can learn and try to become more like him. In conclusion, the mother certainly plays a crucial role in raising a child, however, it is the support and caring of both the parents which is essential for upbringing of a child to make him a better person.
Although both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
contribute to bring a
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, one aspect of this process which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
women
are blessed
with, giving birth to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, it
is considered
that the
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mother
can nourish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in a
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better
way than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
.
For this reason
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
should devote more time to bring up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
rather
than on a job. While acknowledging that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
can care for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, I believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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roles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
equal responsibility in this.

On the one hand, women can raise a
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child
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better
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Firstly
,
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mother
gives birth to the
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new
born, and
therefore
, they develop a great bond and attachment with one other. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
born is dependent on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
for well nourishment, cleaning and caring well. During the initial period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, a baby learn various things from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and tends to follow it.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
can impart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nature and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and raise him to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
person which definitely proves to be helpful for the child's future.

On the other hand
, it is a responsibility of both the
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parents
to raise and provide a
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better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to their
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child
. Although
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father
does not give birth to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, he shares the responsibility of raising the children. While a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
physically
cares her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
can provide financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education and a well-being of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Father
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to play in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of his children. He teaches them ethics and discipline. He can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model by being an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
, and
thus
, children can learn and try to become more like him.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
certainly
plays a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
however
, it is the support and caring of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
which is essential for upbringing of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
person.

IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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