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Do you agree or disagree with WATCHING TELEVISION IS BAD FOR CHILDREN

with WATCHING TELEVISION IS BAD FOR CHILDREN aw6qd
In my opinion, watching television is bad for children. When I am saying this I have in my attention two main reasons. First, watching television make the children to isolate themselves from their friends and even though from their parents or brothers. It is very well known and accepted that the big TV companies have the “gift” to create very attractive shows, series and so on. These shows act as a trap for the young mind which is absorbed by the fantastic world of the fantasy. Who does not like a captivating show? In no time the children will forget that they have friend with whom they can play games, talk, in one word socialize. Second, big part of the television shows and promote violence. Last week I have been flipping the TV channels up and down, and at six pm, when is usual the children’s time for relaxing, on all chanels I have seen just action movie’s or even worst, horror moovies and TV shoows with violent and impropper language. Even though, if you are watching the news, which are supposed to be informative and “inocent”, they are full of news about crimes, shooting and fights. Third, beeing daily in front of TV for a long time the children might develop bad habbits such as giving up the phisical activity which can lead to an inactive life style which will be transfferd to adult life too. As a consequence the obesity will have favorable precondition to appear. For example, when I was six years old I have a friend who used to spend a lot of her free time in fron of the TV instead of coming out with us, the children from neigheberhood. She even used to eat in front of the TV. Now, she is still watching TV all afternoon instead of going out for a walk, for example. By way of conclusion, based on arguments explored above, I am of the opinion that in most cases it is actual more beneficial if the children would spent less time in the fron of TV and more time doing something else such as playing games togheter with odher kuds, practicing a sport or reading.
In my opinion, watching television is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I am saying this I have in my attention two main reasons.

First
, watching television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to isolate themselves from their friends and
even though
from their parents or brothers. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well known and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have the “gift” to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, series and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
act as a trap for the young mind which
is absorbed
by the fantastic world of the fantasy. Who does not like a captivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
? In no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will forget that they have friend with whom they can play games, talk, in one word socialize.

Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part of the television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and promote violence. Last week I have been flipping the TV channels up and down, and at six pm, when is usual the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxing, on all
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chanels
I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
action movie’s or even worst, horror
Possible spelling mistake found.
moovies
and TV
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoows
with violent and
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impropper
language.
Even though
, if you are watching the news, which
are supposed
to be informative and “
Possible spelling mistake found.
inocent
”, they are full of news about crimes, shooting and fights.

Third,
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beeing
daily in front of TV for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbits
such as giving up the
Possible spelling mistake found.
phisical
activity which can lead to an inactive life style which will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
transfferd
to adult life too.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a consequence the obesity will have favorable precondition to appear.
For example
, when I was six years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
I have a friend who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
her free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
fron
of the TV
instead
of coming out with us, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
neigheberhood
. She even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat in front of the TV.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she is
still
watching TV all afternoon
instead
of going out for a walk,
for example
.

By way of conclusion, based on arguments explored above, I am of the opinion that
in most cases
it is actual more beneficial if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fron
of TV and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing something else such as playing games
Possible spelling mistake found.
togheter
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
odher
Possible spelling mistake found.
kuds
, practicing a sport or reading.
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IELTS essay with WATCHING TELEVISION IS BAD FOR CHILDREN

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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