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With the unstoppable progress of globalization, the mass media which has become increasingly common for people who have an interest in entertainment. Hence many people have a tendency to be in favor of media ought to public the private lives of celebrities. However, on the contrary, many persons believe that the incident could not be allowed to happen, meanwhile, this case is still controversial each year.

With the unstoppable progress of globalization, the mass media which has become increasingly common for people who have an interest in entertainment. Hence many people have a tendency to be in favor of media ought to public the private lives of celebrities. However, on the contrary, many persons believe that the incident could not be allowed to happen, meanwhile, this case is still controversial each year. NwVnj
With the unstoppable progress of globalization, the mass media which has become increasingly common for people who have an interest in entertainment. Hence many people have a tendency to be in favor of media ought to public the private lives of celebrities. However, on the contrary, many persons believe that the incident could not be allowed to happen, meanwhile, this case is still controversial each year. On the one hand, a great cause for desiring to know about private life is due to many adorers displays genuine concern for their idol, therefore, this over-concerned has resulted in complications occur like: many distorted thoughts and unacceptable behaviours. For instance, fans want to impose their standards and a bond on their own idols, this makes celebrities are not able to have a peaceful and comfortable life and find themselves in a predicament. Furthermore, the public information about privacy lives affair is also helps state officials monitor activity status to avoiding negative behaviors. These are the culprit behind pressure on artists, causing them to gradually lose their form and worse, their careers. On the other hand, others are not agree on the idea that the media publish private lives of famous people because these crazy actions will directly affect the psyche of celebrities, so they are completely against. Likewise, it has been one’s belief keeping secret about the private lives of famous people is a form of respect for their artist, as a result of artists is always pressure about creating content and they are supposed to attend to audiences, for this reason, no one is entitled to nitpick the intimate life of celebrities. In addition, opposers say that: when someone nitpicking privacy life, it is an illegal behavior. In conclusion, I am convinced that publish information about private lives of famous people is not wrong act since everyone need to have a freedom life for themselves and we have to accept and respect each person’s life.
With the unstoppable progress of globalization, the mass media which has become
increasingly
common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have an interest in entertainment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to be in favor of media ought to public the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
However
,
on the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons believe that the incident could not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to happen, meanwhile, this case is
still
controversial each year.

On the one hand, a great cause for desiring to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adorers displays genuine concern for their idol,
therefore
, this over-concerned has resulted in complications occur like:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distorted thoughts and unacceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
For instance
, fans want to impose their standards and a bond on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
idols, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are not able to have a peaceful and comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and find themselves in a predicament.
Furthermore
, the public information about privacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
affair is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
state officials monitor activity status to avoiding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
behaviors. These are the culprit behind pressure on artists, causing them to
gradually
lose their form and worse, their careers.

On the other hand
, others are not
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the media publish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these crazy actions will
directly
affect the psyche of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are completely against.
Likewise
, it has been one’s belief keeping secret about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a form of respect for their artist,
as a result
of artists is always pressure about creating
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
content and
they
are supposed
to attend to audiences,
for this reason
, no one
is entitled
to nitpick the intimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
In addition
, opposers say that: when someone nitpicking privacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it is an illegal behavior.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that publish information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
act since everyone need to have a freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept and respect each person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay With the unstoppable progress of globalization, the mass media which has become increasingly common for people who have an interest in entertainment. Hence many people have a tendency to be in favor of media ought to public the private lives of celebrities. However, on the contrary, many persons believe that the incident could not be allowed to happen, meanwhile, this case is still controversial each year.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • With the unstoppable progress of globalization, the mass media which has become increasingly common for people who have an interest in entertainment. Hence many people have a tendency to be in favor of media ought to public the private lives of celebrities. However, on the contrary, many persons believe that the incident could not be allowed to happen, meanwhile, this case is still controversial each year.