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With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

As in the world usage of oil and gas are increasing dramatically in connection with much demand, many nature particularly undiscovered areas are being destroyed. It seems to me that those factors are an integral part of our lives although keeping nature, I agree with this viewpoint. Firstly, the more and more changes are being circulated all over the world. One of them is obviously mining especially in oil and gas industry. Many countries progressively being relied on these factors have been funding for their development. In Mongolia, there are many petroleum and fuel companies have been making operation, by which our country have been thrived. Although those who break up the ground, I believe they are able to make restoration after the operation vey well. On the other hand, water is predicted that it will be rare and invaluable diamond via the water experts. Providing that we go on work into underground field, we might be troubled with many issues. As a result of numerous students who are graduating as an environmental expert, they have capacity to make new useful liquids instead of oil and gas. In conclusion, although breathtaking nature is more important for everyone and we need to assimilate what source is the method to develop. I think we need see in other ways.
As in the world usage of oil and gas are increasing
dramatically
in connection with much demand,
many nature
particularly
undiscovered areas are being
destroyed
. It seems to me that those factors are an integral part of our
lives
although keeping nature, I
agree
with this viewpoint.

Firstly
, the more and more
changes
are
being circulated
all over the world. One of them is
obviously
mining
especially
in oil and gas industry.
Many
countries
progressively
being relied
on these factors have been funding for their development. In Mongolia, there are
many
petroleum and fuel
companies
have been making operation, by which our country have
been thrived
. Although those who break up the ground, I believe they are able to
make
restoration after the operation
vey
well.

On the other hand
, water
is predicted
that it will be rare and invaluable diamond via the water experts. Providing that we go on work into underground field, we might
be troubled
with
many
issues.
As a result
of numerous students who are graduating as an environmental expert, they have capacity to
make
new useful liquids
instead
of oil and gas.

In conclusion
, although breathtaking nature is more
important
for
everyone and
we need to assimilate what source is the method to develop. I
think
we need
see
in other ways.
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IELTS essay With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened to access more resources.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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