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With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. kBkO
The demand for fossil-based fuels is constantly rising across the world leading to their depletion, due to which some opine that unexplored parts of the earth should be opened to increase the supply of such resources. I do not agree with this development as it will increase pollution, deter countries from using green energy and exploit the people of such area. Firstly, if the exploration of fossil fuels is increased then the demand for petroleum products will rise, which in turn will aggravate the ongoing issue of air pollution in the metro cities. This environmental issue will increase global warming that will raise the temperature of the earth. Moreover, the rising temperature will cause glacial ice to melt resulting in floods and famines everywhere. Secondly, it will demotivate countries which are pushing for the adoption of renewable methods of energy sources. The increased supply of fossil fuel from these newly explored areas will bring down the cost of the fuel and will encourage countries to continue using them. For example, countries like Finland and Germany have planned to completely switch to wind energy because of the rapid depletion of fossil fuel resources. I believe, it is imperative that all the nations should curb the usage of petrol and diesel and should switch to eco-friendly sources. Lastly, the people living in these potential sites for oil exploration will be exploited by the big corporates, which will lure them to sell their land for mining in return for jobs, and then push them to work under harsh conditions of the mines. This will help them in the short term, but they may develop severe health problems after working there for a long time. In conclusion, I am completely against digging more areas for oil as it will not benefit mankind in any way. Moreover, it will aggravate pollution levels, shift focus from green ways of energy, and push the people of such places to more despair.
The demand for fossil-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is
constantly
rising across the world leading to their depletion, due to which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that unexplored parts of the earth should
be opened
to increase the supply of such resources. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this development as it will increase pollution, deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from using green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and exploit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of such area.

Firstly
, if the exploration of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
is increased
then the demand for petroleum products will rise, which in turn will aggravate the ongoing issue of air pollution in the metro cities. This environmental issue will increase global warming that will raise the temperature of the earth.
Moreover
, the rising temperature will cause glacial ice to melt resulting in floods and famines everywhere.
Secondly
, it will demotivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are pushing for the adoption of renewable methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
sources. The increased supply of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
from these
newly
explored areas will bring down the cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
and will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to continue using them.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Finland and Germany have planned to completely switch to wind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rapid depletion of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
resources. I believe, it is imperative that all the nations should curb the usage of petrol and diesel and should switch to eco-friendly sources.

Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in these potential sites for oil exploration will
be exploited
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
, which will lure them to sell their land for mining in return for jobs, and then push them to work under harsh conditions of the mines. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the short term,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may develop severe health problems after working there for a long time.

In conclusion
, I am completely against digging more areas for oil as it will not benefit mankind in any way.
Moreover
, it will aggravate pollution levels, shift focus from green ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, and push the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of such places to more despair.
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IELTS essay With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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