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With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Nrynd
Nowadays, there has been a lot of improvement in the medical field and due to that fact, the population of elder people is increasing day by day and, consequently, the community has to care for more and more elderly people. In my opinion, society is capable of handling the increase in the number of older people. The following essay will give a detail explanation of numerous ways in which this can be managed. To begin with, there are many ways through which the community can manage the older ones. Firstly, the government can provide funds to older people and by using that funds, older people can take care by themselves, they do not have to rely on their younger ones such as their grandchildren, children. To illustrate, in countries like USA the government provide funds to the elder public for maintaining their health. In addition to that, the government also provides homes to them after their retirement and there are various facilities available and, additionally, they get to make friends there, who are of same age and that will, absolutely, decrease the burden on younger people because they are not able to look after them due to their stressful life. Secondly, doctors can spread awareness about health issues through which older people suffer a lot and that will cause younger people to take action that will prove beneficial to the older population and that will also prove helpful to the younger public. For example, if a group of younger people contribute to build a park and organise sessions that are related to diet and yoga, then that will, definitely, prove beneficial as the older population will get a fresh environment for maintaining their health. To conclude, I opine that although the population of elder people has been increasing drastically, there are numerous amount of ways though which the community can manage the population.
Nowadays, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
improvement in the medical field and due to that fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing day by day and,
consequently
, the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
care for more and more elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, society is capable of handling the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The following essay will give a detail explanation of numerous ways in which this can
be managed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways through which the community can manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can provide funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and by using that funds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take care by themselves, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
such as their grandchildren, children. To illustrate, in countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provide funds to the elder public for maintaining their health.
In addition
to that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
provides homes to them after their retirement and there are various facilities available and,
additionally
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends there, who are of same age and that will,
absolutely
, decrease the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not able to look after them due to their stressful life.

Secondly
, doctors can spread awareness about health issues through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer a lot and that will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take action that will prove beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and that will
also
prove helpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
public.
For example
, if a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute to build a park and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
sessions that
are related
to diet and yoga, then that will, definitely, prove beneficial as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fresh environment for maintaining their health.

To conclude
, I opine that although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been increasing
drastically
, there are numerous
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of ways though which the community can manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
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IELTS essay With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.