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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. JoqQj
It does seem to be true that parents and teachers have lost the authority they used to have, especially in the eyes of teenagers. They are no longer seen as models for behaviour: hard work, politeness and other positive qualities are seen as old-fashioned. Many young people have no respect for these qualities or the people who represent them. In fact, I think some young people today are so rebellious that it’s possible that both parents and teachers are afraid to exercise their authority. However, I do not agree that this is the basic reason for the increase in teenage violence. While I believe it is true that a lack of social and emotional learning contributes to the problem, other factors are surely involved: economic factors, for example. If a child comes from a poor family and they live in low-quality housing in an undesirable area, this is sure to affect the child, however loving the parents are. There is also the question of who your friends are. I believe that when you are in your teens your friends have more influence on you than your parents or teachers. At that age, you want to be part of a group, or even a gang, and this might lead to breaking the law in a number of ways. In conclusion, while I agree that lack of social and emotional learning from parents and teachers is a factor in the growth of teenage violence, I do not believe it is the only, or even the main, cause.
It does seem to be true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have lost the authority they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have,
especially
in the eyes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They are no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as models for
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, politeness and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no respect for these qualities or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who represent them. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rebellious that it’s possible that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are afraid to exercise their authority.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is the basic reason for the increase in teenage violence.

While I believe it is true that a lack of social and emotional learning contributes to the problem, other factors are
surely
involved: economic factors,
for example
. If a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a poor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in low-quality housing in an undesirable area, this is sure to affect the child,
however
loving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are.

There is
also
the question of who your friends are. I believe that when you are in your teens your friends have more influence on you than your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. At that age, you want to be part of a group, or even a gang, and this might lead to breaking the law in a number of ways.

In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that lack of social and emotional learning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is a factor in the growth of teenage violence, I do not believe it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, or even the main, cause.
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IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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