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With more and more people communicating via computers and mobile telephones there is a real danger that we are losing the ability to communicate with others face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With more and more people communicating via computers and mobile telephones there is a real danger that we are losing the ability to communicate with others face to face. eMjA
Communication has always been an integral part of people’s lives. Throughout the centuries it was being reshaped, transformed but still present. Although nowadays one can see an absurd but simultaneously irreversible trend: the new form of communication seems to be decreasing its importance. People are truly losing the ability to interact with each other in real life. This essay will provide evidence proving the trend. Means of communication have been evolving since the creation of humanity: first it was paintings, later words and speaking, then letters and now its social media interactions. The first obvious change is a very high dependance of people on their smartphones and computers, which have evidently become our best friends. The World Bank (statistics organization) published disturbing data earlier this year, proving that online presence of an average teenager is about 6 hours per day, which is 70% higher than the same indicator 5 years ago. Real-life communication is being substituted by e-relationships, were people use not words to describe their feelings and thoughts, but emojis. As a consequence, the level of literacy and eloquence among young people is falling dramatically. Comparing one behavioural model in dynamics is always useful to make conclusions about the generational changes. Educational system can be taken as an example. Previous generations used to get real-life experience from their professors and mentors, whereas today more and more programs are delivered online, with no personal interaction between students and teachers. In fact, 40% of MBA and 70% executive MBA programs are provided by the educational institutions either fully or partly online. This proves the fact that nowadays face-to-face communication is diminishing in value and is expected to continue doing so. In conclusion, the disturbing reality should be faced. The society has experienced formidable changes over the past 30 years and the consequences are unfortunate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
has always been an integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Throughout the centuries it was
being reshaped
, transformed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
present. Although nowadays one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an absurd
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
simultaneously
irreversible trend: the new form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
seems to be decreasing its importance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
truly
losing the ability to interact with each other in real life. This essay will provide evidence proving the trend.

Means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
have been evolving since the creation of humanity:
first
it was paintings, later words and speaking, then letters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
its social media interactions. The
first
obvious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on their smartphones and computers, which have
evidently
become our best friends. The World Bank (statistics organization) published disturbing data earlier this year, proving that online presence of an average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
is about 6 hours per day, which is 70% higher than the same indicator 5 years ago. Real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is
being substituted
by e-relationships,
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
not words to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
their feelings and thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
emojis. As a consequence, the level of literacy and eloquence among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
falling
dramatically
.

Comparing one
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
model in dynamics is always useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conclusions about the generational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Educational system can
be taken
as an example. Previous generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
real-life experience from their professors and mentors, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
more and more programs
are delivered
online, with no personal interaction between students and teachers. In fact, 40% of MBA and 70% executive MBA programs
are provided
by the educational institutions either
fully
or partly online. This proves the fact that nowadays face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is diminishing in value and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to continue doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In conclusion
, the disturbing reality should
be faced
. The society has experienced formidable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
over the past 30 years and the consequences are unfortunate.
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IELTS essay With more and more people communicating via computers and mobile telephones there is a real danger that we are losing the ability to communicate with others face to face.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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