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There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year.While some think best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent ,many people believe that other measures will be needed.Discuss both views

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both views 8A8G
Many people believe that intelligence can be measured by success but others have thought that there are many ways to determine brilliance. However I agree that If a person lives successfully it's undoubtedly a genius one, while I also believe intelligence quotient tests can show how people use their brain power more effectively and wise. Firstly and foremost, being successful means that person certainly have various kind of skills as for mentally. There are two main factors which can lead to success are be resilient and to learn from mistakes. It Is often seen that only smart people can make appropriate decision and reach their purpose. for example: ninety percent of successful enterpreuners who participated survey in mongolia said that they achieved their success by being determined and consistent. Even if they fail, they bounce back with double efforts eventually they succeed. On the other hand, as for determining the wisdom person, there are methods like exams and IQ tests. Although it is not the proof and guarantee that those who perform better in these tests tend to be successful in their future careers. Therefore, many top performing outstanding students who have greater IQ than 150 were once more chance to attain achievement in their workfield. In conclusion, success is the one of the most crucial parts to illustrate intelligence But also, it contains a lot of parameters inside that I mentioned before were hardworking and and learning from their failures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that intelligence can
be measured
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to determine brilliance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that If a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
successfully
it's
undoubtedly
a genius one, while I
also
believe intelligence quotient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their brain power more
effectively
and wise.

Firstly
and foremost, being successful means that person
certainly
have various kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as for mentally. There are two main factors which can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
are
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
resilient and to learn from mistakes. It Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
appropriate decision and reach their purpose.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example: ninety percent of successful
Possible spelling mistake found.
enterpreuners
who participated survey in
Possible spelling mistake found.
mongolia
said that they achieved their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
by
being determined
and consistent. Even if they fail, they bounce back with double efforts
eventually
they succeed.

On the other hand
, as for determining the wisdom person, there are methods like exams and IQ
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
. Although it is not the proof and guarantee that those who perform better in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
tend to be successful in their future careers.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
top performing outstanding students who have greater IQ than 150 were once more chance to attain achievement in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
workfield
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the one of the most crucial parts to illustrate intelligence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
, it contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
parameters inside that I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
were hardworking
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
learning from their failures.
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IELTS essay There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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