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Now a days more and more people are migrating to developed countries for higher education and better employment opportunities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of migration?

Now a days more and more people are migrating to developed countries for higher education and better employment opportunities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of migration? wBBMd
Currently the number of people, leaving their homelands for American and European countries, are expanding. Although this phenomenon brings numerous opportunities for developed countries, it has drawbacks for developing ones. On the one hand, the process of immigration provides labor force for the constant economic progress. Moreover, immigrants usually are more persistent and have different problem-solvig approach. Therefore, they may succeed in business and work. To exemplify, most of the largest American companies, like Morgan Staley, Warner Brothers etc, were founded by immigrants in the first generation. Developed countries attract the most educated and superb specialists, thus they manage to keep leadership positions in the variety of domains. On the other hand, availability of such migration deprives emerging markets the most valuable individuals, so that it prevents the stable development there. For example, only in last year more that fifty thousand of people have left Kazakhstan forever, and most of them have higher education. These people prefer to leave not because they cannot find a job in their own countries, but because they want to live in more develped ones. Additionally, there are plenty fraud firms exist in a number of emerging countries that promise individuals to help them to migrate in USA or European Union, but instead do nothing. Numerous people spend their last money or even take loans for an opportunity to change their life. In conclusion, while developed countries provide further growth for themselves allowing more and more number of migrants to come in, developing ones are degradating losing their most perspective part of population. Also, huge number of people, who live in less developed countries, are victims of migration frauds.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, leaving their homelands for American and European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, are expanding. Although this phenomenon brings numerous opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it has drawbacks for developing ones.

On the one hand, the process of immigration provides labor force for the constant economic progress.
Moreover
, immigrants
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
usually are
more persistent and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
problem-solvig
approach.
Therefore
, they may succeed in business and work. To exemplify, most of the largest American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, like Morgan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Staley
, Warner Brothers etc,
were founded
by immigrants in the
first
generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
attract the most educated and superb specialists,
thus
they manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
leadership positions in the variety of domains.

On the other hand
, availability of such migration deprives emerging markets the most valuable individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the stable development there.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in last year more that fifty thousand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Kazakhstan forever, and most of them have higher education. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot find a job in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in more
Possible spelling mistake found.
develped
ones.

Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
fraud firms exist in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that promise individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to migrate
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
or European Union,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
do nothing. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their last money or even take loans for an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide
further
growth for themselves allowing more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of migrants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in, developing ones are
Possible spelling mistake found.
degradating
losing their most perspective part of population.
Also
, huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, are victims of migration frauds.
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IELTS essay Now a days more and more people are migrating to developed countries for higher education and better employment opportunities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of migration?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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