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Will technology will dominate mankind?

Will technology will dominate mankind? eA8EW
Will technology will dominate mankind? Introduction: As technology develops, people are relying on technological creations because they provide more options and make life more comfortable. What do you think about this issue? Do you think will the over-reliance lead negatively or positively? Today I want to talk about how will over-reliance on technology affect humankind negatively. Body: The first impact is a malfunction. Malfunction is simply the technology failing to function normally. If people have too much reliance on technology, people will have difficulties such as people will not available to control and people cannot replace the vacancy of the technology. Also, the malfunction might cost human life for example, while using the different types of machines if certain functions do not work, it could be directly related to death or serious injury. So the malfunction is not only about the failure of technology, it may lead to the destruction of human society. According to Forbes, 25 per cent of technology projects fail outright. 20-25 per cent do not show any return also as close to 50 per cent needed massive reworking. So as the result of Forbes, the malfunction will require investments and time. All of the charges are on humans. The second impact is misdirected usage. These days the technology is well distributed, which means that more users are allowed to access the internet. The internet causes misdirect usage such as cyberbullying and hackings. Apart from it, technology can occur physically, such as weapons. According to the image below (Independent Singapore news), online crimes are rapidly increasing. The development in distribution caused misdirected uses even the original purpose was not. The technology provides comfort but as it gives comfort the rate of threats will increase. The misdirected usage is related to an incorrect information (the third reason) as failed information can be used misdirect. The last impact is incorrect information. Information is the main point in many industries also taking part of the centre of society. The information can be spread by the news and social media. The influences and the impacts are huge as there are millions or even billions of users. As technology brings huge influences, it can operate negatively. This is related to the second impact which is misdirected usage as incorrect information can destruct the human societal system. For example, fake news can be harmful. The fake news will also make it harder for people to see the truth as people will tend to not trust the media which is proven as providing wrong information. According to Statista, over 80 per cent of consumers in the US have seen fake news on media during the COVID-19 pandemic. In fact, some of the people were committing the wrong behaviours which are followed by fake news and social media. Conclusion: To finalize, the technologies provide huge comforts, advantages and make human society comfortable and better. However, on the opposite side of advantages, there are disadvantages. To borrow the quotation of Clement Stone, he said "To every disadvantage, there is a corresponding advantage. ". This can be translated into the disadvantages and advantages always corresponding and there isn't a perfect thing. The technology is not basically from nature and technologies are mostly artificial. As human-created, humans need to take responsibility. To conclude, the over-reliance on technologies will provide advantages and disadvantages at the same time.
Will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will dominate mankind?

Introduction:

As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
develops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are relying on technological creations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
more options and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life more comfortable. What do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this issue? Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
will the over-reliance lead
negatively
or
positively
?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I want to talk about how will over-reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affect humankind
negatively
.

Body:

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malfunction
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Malfunction
is
simply
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
failing to function
normally
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have too much reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have difficulties such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not available to control and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot replace the vacancy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malfunction
might cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life
for example
, while using the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of machines if certain functions do not work, it could be
directly
related to death or serious injury.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malfunction
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about the failure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it may lead to the destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society. According to Forbes, 25 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
projects fail outright. 20-25 per cent do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any return
also
as close to 50 per cent needed massive reworking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as the result of Forbes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malfunction
will require investments and time.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
charges are on humans.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
misdirected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
. These days the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is well distributed, which means that more users are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to access the internet. The internet causes misdirect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
such as cyberbullying and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hackings
. Apart from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can occur
physically
, such as weapons. According to the image below (Independent Singapore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news)
, online crimes are
rapidly
increasing. The development in distribution caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
misdirected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
even the original purpose was not. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
comfort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as it gives comfort the rate of threats will increase.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
misdirected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
is related
to an incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
(the third reason) as failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
misdirect.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
is incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
is the main point in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries
also
taking part of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of society. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be spread
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and social media. The influences and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
are huge as there are millions or even billions of users. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings huge influences, it can operate
negatively
. This
is related
to the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
misdirected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
as incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can destruct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
societal system.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
can be harmful. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it harder for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the truth as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will tend to not trust the media which
is proven
as providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. According to Statista, over 80 per cent of consumers in the US have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on media during the COVID-19 pandemic. In fact,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were committing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
which
are followed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and social media.

Conclusion:

To finalize, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
huge comforts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society comfortable and better.
However
, on the opposite side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, there are disadvantages. To borrow the quotation of Clement Stone, he said
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
To every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
, there is a corresponding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
. This can
be translated
into the disadvantages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
always corresponding and there isn't a perfect thing. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not
basically
from nature and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are
mostly
artificial. As human-created,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
need to take responsibility.
To conclude
, the over-reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages at the same time.
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IELTS essay Will technology will dominate mankind?

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
558 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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