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why you want addmission to uni

why you want addmission to uni pL56d
Since my early age, I always had keen interest in the way electronic equipment work. I used to open different electronic toys but could mostly never fix them back. I used to take out small motors, light bulbs, and speakers from broken toys and use them in other toys. With the time and growing up process, I was fascinated with how the technology is rapidly changing and how the revolution in the field of electrical and electronics engineering had huge impact on our daily lives. Thus my personal interest and curiosity in the field was main motivation to choose the field. After completing my high school studies in pre-engineering in a Pakistani School in UAE, I joined NCUK programmer because it offered me with a platform to prepare myself for UK education while completing my foundation year and first year of bachelor’s degree in Pakistan and graduate and graduate from one of the partner UK universities of NCUK programmer. I passed my first year with distinction and got admission in the University of Braford. I graduated in 2015 with 2: 1(second class first division) degree in Electrical and Electronics honors degree. After completing my degree I wanted to take a break from studies and get some experience but doing masters was always on the plan. The break became unexpectedly long because I was looking after the construction of our family house in the village as my family was living abroad. During this time I worked as part time tutor for secondary school students. After that I did a job as site Supervisor for MAC Builders for a year. . after that I visited my family in UAE and during my 3 months stay I did a Design Engineering Couse from Dubai as it was in demand course at the time. After that I did an auto cad online and got a job in solar as a site engineer. I left the job last year due to Covid-19 situation as there was no work available due to frequent lockdowns and strict laws. During this time I had a chance to reflect back and think about my future plan. I have chosen UK to continue my education. Although the quality of education of Pakistani institution has improved a lot over the years, however compared to UK, the stress is more on theoretical knowledge and memorizing rather than lab work and practical knowledge. Doing a master’s degree from University of Teesside will not only provide my essential skills and enhance my knowledge about the field but also provide me with the pathway to have my degree recognized by Washington accord which is partially recognized as of now as it is professionally recognized by IET for further learning to registration as Chartered Engineer. I cannot do that in Pakistan because here the recognition is done at Bachelors level with a four years degree which I am one year short of. I believe this professional recognition and accreditation will help me a lot in my career development. I have deep interest in Electronics Control and Instrumentations and that is why I chose this specific programmer at university of Teesside. It is not only affordable but also provide advanced practice opportunities like vocational or research internship and personal development courses that I have been looking for. I am passionate, dedicated and determined to work hard and confident that after getting education from the university that provide quality education, I will prove to be an effective part of the society and contribute substantially after returning back home.
Since my early age, I always had keen interest in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
toys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
mostly
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
them back. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
motors, light bulbs, and speakers from broken toys and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in other toys. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and growing up process, I
was fascinated
with how the technology is
rapidly
changing and how the revolution in the field of electrical and electronics engineering had huge impact on our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
my personal interest and curiosity in the field was main motivation to choose the field.

After completing my high school studies in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-engineering
in a Pakistani School
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the UAE".
in UAE
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
Possible spelling mistake found.
NCUK
programmer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it offered me with a platform to prepare myself for UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
while completing my foundation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of bachelor’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in Pakistan and graduate and graduate from one of the partner UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
NCUK
programmer. I passed my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with distinction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admission in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Braford
. I graduated in 2015 with 2: 1(second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
first
division)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in Electrical and Electronics honors degree.

After completing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
I wanted to take a break from studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
doing masters was always on the plan. The break became
unexpectedly
long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was looking after the construction of our family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the village as my family was living abroad. During this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I worked as part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
tutor for secondary school students. After that I did a job as site Supervisor for MAC Builders for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
that I visited my family
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the UAE".
in UAE
and during my 3 months stay I did a Design Engineering
Possible spelling mistake found.
Couse
from Dubai as it was in demand course at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. After that I did an auto cad online and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a job in solar as a site engineer. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the job last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
due to Covid-19 situation as there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
available due to frequent lockdowns and strict laws. During this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I had a chance to reflect back and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about my future plan.

I have chosen UK to continue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Although the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of Pakistani institution has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
a lot over the years,
however
compared to UK, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is more on theoretical knowledge and memorizing
rather
than lab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and practical knowledge. Doing a master’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Teesside
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
my essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and enhance my knowledge about the field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
me with the pathway to have my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
recognized by Washington accord which is
partially
recognized as of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
as it is
professionally
recognized by
Possible spelling mistake found.
IET
for
further
learning to registration as Chartered Engineer. I cannot do that in Pakistan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
here the recognition
is done
at Bachelors level with a four years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
which I am one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
short of. I believe this professional recognition and accreditation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me a lot in my career development.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have deep interest in Electronics Control and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instrumentations
and
that is
why I chose this specific programmer at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Teesside
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affordable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
advanced practice opportunities like vocational or research internship and personal development courses that I have been looking for.

I am passionate, dedicated and determined to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and confident that after getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I will prove to be an effective part of the society and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
contribute
substantially
after
Consider using "returning".
returning back
home.
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IELTS essay why you want addmission to uni

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
590 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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