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Why the people go to aboard countries only for enjoy.

Why the people go to aboard countries only for enjoy. 153PG
It is common these days, mostly people voyage to abroad nations for enjoyment. Although some masses argue that, this journey has a negative influence on the states travelled to. This essay disagrees that it is a best way to improve its skills. There are many reasons why the people reckon that, when they go to foreign countries and acquire enough benefits to them. Since they share their experience with other people that can obtain beneficial for our nation. In addition, mostly individuals want to interact with foreigner folks as they want to get ideas from them and intend to commence their business in abroad countries. Firstly, the masses should have experience regarding other things in order that the people cannot high loss in their life activity. So, the people are travelling at there. To illustrate, when we begin their business, every person has necessitated of assist, so they go to other countries for solely benefits. Secondly, Unless the people go to abroad nations, those people have negative impacts due to this. As the people have not experience to do any work which cannot better for our environmental. Despite being travelling, the authorities acquire sufficient benefits owing to this and the country economy rate is increased. As well as, the people who go to foreign countries are extremely happy in order to get better job to them. For instance, so far in our nation is progressing it is only because of foreign countries as the Pakistan masses who dwell in foreign are paying high taxes to authorities. To sum up, Although I believe that, this is such an idea that everyone can get benefits which I have explained in above paragraphs. I think, the folks go to other countries in order that the people life will be outstanding in coming days.
It is common these days,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
voyage to abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for enjoyment. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses argue that, this journey has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the states travelled to. This essay disagrees that it is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that, when they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
benefits to them. Since they share their experience with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that can obtain beneficial for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
In addition
,
mostly
individuals want to interact with foreigner folks as they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from them and intend to commence their business in abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, the masses should have experience regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things in order that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot high loss in their life activity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are travelling at there. To illustrate, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their business, every person has necessitated of assist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
solely
benefits.

Secondly
, Unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
There isn't usually a preposition before "abroad". Did you mean "go abroad"?
go to abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts due to this. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
to do any work which cannot better for our environmental. Despite being travelling, the authorities acquire sufficient benefits owing to this and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economy rate
is increased
.
As well
as, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
extremely
happy in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better job to them.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is progressing it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as the Pakistan masses who dwell in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
are paying high taxes to authorities.

To sum up, Although I believe that, this is such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits which I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in above paragraphs. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the folks go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life will be outstanding in coming days.
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IELTS essay Why the people go to aboard countries only for enjoy.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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