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Why the average of age is greater than the other countries that are not developed.

Why the average of age is greater than the other countries that are not developed. wBAQq
In advanced countries, the average of age is greater than the other countries that are not developed. Having longer life has its highs and lows effecting the community and the people around you in general. In developed countries, most people live longer because of the country facilities and services provided by the country, which can lead to an increase in the population of the country, and having more people in the nation will lead to a higher expense that the government has to pay so that is one of the disadvantages. Paying can be affordable and not a big deal for a developed nation, but when it comes to the resources of the world, It will become an enormous problem. Having limited resources in the planet can start a war, because one developed country can monopolize these resources which will make it increases in price and can't be affordable by some of the people. As time moves, we start aging and it is common to have diseases as we age longer, sometimes those diseases can be torture for that person, that can be another disadvantage, however, preventing it by doing sports daily and have a good diet would be very useful. Building a stronger country can be one of the benefits, by increasing the number of army soldiers
In advanced
countries
, the average of age is greater than the other
countries
that are not developed. Having longer life has its highs and lows effecting the community and the
people
around you
in general
.

In developed
countries
, most
people
live
longer
because
of the
country
facilities and services provided by the
country
, which can lead to an increase in the population of the
country
, and having more
people
in the nation will lead to a higher expense that the
government
has to
pay
so
that is
one of the disadvantages.

Paying can be affordable and not a
big
deal for a developed nation,
but
when it
comes
to the resources of the world, It will become an enormous problem. Having limited resources in the planet can
start
a war,
because
one developed

country can monopolize these resources which will
make
it increases in price and can't be affordable by
some of the
people
.

As time
moves
, we
start
aging and it is common to have diseases as we age longer,
sometimes
those diseases can be torture for that person, that can be another disadvantage,
however
, preventing it by doing sports daily and have a
good
diet would be
very
useful.

Building a stronger
country
can be one of the benefits, by increasing the number of army soldiers
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IELTS essay Why the average of age is greater than the other countries that are not developed.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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